10 Ways To Become Better At Your Job Today

With a still-shaky recovery, tepid hiring and continued stagnation in many workplaces, employees have a tough time feeling inspired to extend any extra effort . But if you can improve your job performance, you will put yourself in a good position to climb up the ladder should an opportunity materialize, or to move to a totally new job, in case you hear of an opening at another company.

What’s the best way to become better at your job? We’ve run a number of stories with advice about improving job performance. After looking over those pieces and brainstorming with Forbes Leadership Editor Fred Allen, I’ve put together ten tips that should help you get ahead in your current role.

First, get organized. 

With the onslaught of email, texting, tweeting and everything else, it can be challenging to stay on top of your workload. We ran this story about conquering your email inbox, which recommends a system of prioritizing urgent items, dealing with short requests quickly, deleting junk and putting less pressing matters on a to-do list. One more tip: Consider imposing some discipline on email interruptions. Check your inbox once a half hour or once an hour, to give yourself time to complete tasks that require concentration.

Second, stop trying to multi-task. 

In 2009, a group of Stanford researchers released a study that showed how people who do heavy multitasking, keeping up several email conversations at once while texting, jumping from one website to the next and trying to work at the same time, do not pay attention as well as those who maintain a more streamlined work flow.

Third, put yourself in the mindset of your boss. 

We’ve run several stories about dealing with difficult supervisors. The most effective strategy: Empathize, and discover your boss’s style, so that you can imagine what he or she is looking for in an employee. We ran this piece about dealing with a younger supervisor, this story about a series of questions you can ask your boss, which will help you get to know her (what was her previous job? what are her career aspirations?), this story about dealing with a lousy manager (set an agenda, don’t yell back), and this piece about managing up a difficult boss (treat him like a difficult client). The overarching lesson: figure out your boss’s style and orientation and try to stay one step ahead.

Fourth, forge strong relationships with colleagues outside your immediate area of responsibility. 

In his best-selling book Getting More: How To Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World, Wharton Business School professor Stuart Diamond notes that “companies, even small ones, can be very political places.” Diamond recommends allying with people who can help you, including employees who have been there a long time and who may be overlooked by others, those who work in human resources, staffers in the information technology department, even security guards and cleaning staff who have probably absorbed much more about your firm than you realize. Diamond calls it “building your own coalition.”

Fifth, focus on listening. 

Listen to your boss of course, but also pay close attention to your colleagues and subordinates. At work we often feel like we have to perform by doing verbal gymnastics, but listening closely to what others say can be even more useful and can garner more appreciation from co-workers.

Sixth, try getting in early. 

Even 15 minutes can make a difference. If you can swing an early arrival, you will get a step ahead of the day’s tasks. You can even reward yourself later with a longer lunch break or a departure for home that comes earlier than usual.

Seventh, make sure you give yourself genuine down time. 

We ran a piece on the importance of vacation. That means time away from the office when you don’t check work email or let yourself think about the next project. It can give you a sense of control, of purpose, it can shake up your perception of time, offer the space to expand cultural horizons and allow the kind of relaxed break everyone needs to refuel.

Eighth, once you’ve refueled, aim for clarity and precision in everything you do at work.

If an email won’t convey the subtlety of your decision to push for a colleague’s ouster, then pick up the phone or visit in person.

Ninth, do plenty of research and preparation before you undertake any task.

Don’t take up your boss’s time before you’ve performed plenty of legwork. Prior to a meeting, rehearse your strategies and objectives.

Tenth, try some humility.

Most career advice seems to encourage relentless self-promotion. But Orville Pierson, author of The Unwritten Rules of the Highly Effective Job Search, says it’s better to avoid strings of hyped-up adjectives and instead to describe your accomplishments simply, without embellishment.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2013/11/11/10-ways-to-become-better-at-your-job-today-2/

Scared? 5 Tips For Using Fear As Fuel

Recently I have been thinking about fear and how it relates to behavior. We typically avoid things that scare us, which, of course, makes perfect sense. We have evolved an instinctive fear of threats and this avoidance behavior is ingrained in us as a way to protect us from harm. However, as is often the case, in the modern world our natural biological defenses can unnecessarily hold us back from deep fulfillment. Many times, that which we instinctively fear can actually be harmless, or even a blessing.

But in order to assess a fear I have found that you have to unpackage it first, to really consider its components and sources, and to figure out whether it’s worth ignoring. By way of example, I recently experienced some fear in dating a man who is unable to walk. When I really thought about my reaction I realized that it was simply a fear of the unknown.

Fear can be something that keeps you from moving forward, from being all that you can be. When you forgo an opportunity, remember, it just might have turned out to be something life changing, or something that you would have loved — you just don’t know. The key is determining whether your fear is borne out of a real danger, or if it is simply the result of apprehension in facing the unknown. In business growth, it’s most likely the latter, not the former. Having a strategy to face fear and move through it can be a huge tool for success. Here are 5 suggestions that may help you get started:

1. Think about your fear, dissect it, and try to determine if it’s a fear of the unknown or a real danger.
2. Learn about it. Do some research. What do other people say about this fear when they experience it? What are the pros and cons of tackling this fear? Let’s say it’s public speaking. What would the impact be on your career or life by focusing on this?
3. Ask a lot of questions. Find other people that have tackled whatever you have fear about and ask them how they approached it. What are the rules of the road? What are some tips, tricks etc.?
4. Find someone to do it with you. When we resist doing something it’s easy to let ourselves down. It’s much more difficult to let someone else down. When I am feeling less motivated to workout, I make a workout date. There is no question whether or not I will show up — I will.
5. Recall how it feels once you have tried conquering your fear. Most people will say that facing a fear is one of exhilaration. I know from personal experience that the things or activities that I fear and conquer end up being some of my proudest moments.

Some fears you know and can plan for. Others just pop up out of nowhere.Use the New Year as a reason to stretch yourself, to attempt a new marketing strategy, to try a new activity that scares you.

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/scared-5-tips-for-using-fear-as-fuel.html?page=1

How CEOs Can Beat The Clock: 5 Tips From HP's Meg Whitman

When you’re running a company like Hewlett-Packard HPQ -0.58%, with $120 billion in revenue and operations in more than 100 countries, there’s never enough time to get everything accomplished. But HP’s chief executive officer,Meg Whitman, has developed a wide range of ways to beat the clock.

Having also run eBay in the late 1990s, when it was a tiny, fast-growing enterprise with just 30 employees, Whitman has a keen understanding of the special challenges that entrepreneurs face. Here she shares five helpful tactics for entrepreneurs who are short of time — and unseasoned when it comes to time management.


1. Concentrate on your strengths. 

“I try to figure out what I’m uniquely good at–and surround mysel f with people who are really good at what I’m not good at. My partnership with former eBay CTO Maynard Webb was perfect–one plus one equaled seven. At HP, Bill Veghte, the COO, and I have a very good complementary partnership. Having grown up in the enterprise, he knows it incredibly well and is deep from a technology perspective. I’m very good on strategy, market segmentation, communications and leading the charge.”

2. Recalibrate your priorities weekly.

“I constantly check the to-do list. Every Sunday night I ask myself, What do we have to get done? What did we think was important last week? What can go away? If an old priority isn’t so important anymore, but a new one is, how are we going to get there from here? With my calendar on my laptop I go out three or four months–and work backwards from there. That’s helpful. It’s very iterative.”

3. Walk away from gridlock. 

“If we’re off on a really bad tangent, I’ll hand a project back to the team. Even though there is a piece of me that thinks, ‘If I spend another five hours on this I’m sure I could make a difference.’ I’m always looking for the right person to solve a problem. I only have so much time.”

4. Next ! 

“I keep meetings under control because I’m literally scheduled back-to-back from 9 a.m. until 6 p.m. That’s a natural forcing function that prevents things from running over.”

5. Measure the right things. 

“We spent quite a bit of time asking, ‘What are the things we need to measure?’ Customer loyalty, on-time product launches, percentage of volume through the channel, average selling prices, attach rates of software to hardware and so forth. The result is the dashboards we’ve developed. I get them once a week, and they’re pretty helpful because, as the old adage goes, you focus on what you measure. They serve as early-warning indicators, too: If you start to see some things going south, then you can get in front of them. It’s a road map that will really help us run the company.”

http://www.forbes.com/sites/georgeanders/2013/05/25/how-ceos-can-beat-the-clock-5-tips-from-hps-meg-whitman/

11 Must-Try Moves To Get Started With Tabata

Illustrations by Printable Workouts for Greatist


After 10 seconds, I was gasping for breath, sweaty, and definitely convinced that four minutes of Tabata intervals counts as a real workout. Greatist’s Chief Research Officer David Tao was helping me “research” Tabata protocol, and after a round each of burpees, medicine ball clean and presses, and squats, I was feeling the burn (and then some, given how sore I was for the next three days).

TA-BAT-ER UP — THE NEED-TO-KNOW
Tabata Protocol is a system of short, high-intensity intervals developed by Japanese professor Dr. Izumi Tabata to train Olympic speed skaters. Grab a stopwatch, because this workout method is all about timing. The basic formula for Tabata training is 20 seconds of work followed by 10 seconds of rest, repeated between six and eight times (between three and four minutes, total). No cheating — the 20/10 ratio has been shown to work both aerobic and anaerobic metabolic pathways harder and more effectively than longer bouts of exercise.

TABATA BING, TABATA BOOM! — YOUR ACTION PLAN
Because this exercise strategy is more of a formula than a specific workout, the possibilities for Tabata are pretty darn flexible. Love bodyweight exercises? Do a set of push-ups. Feeling a dip in the pool? Pull on that swim cap and do some freestyle intervals. As with any workout regimen (and especially a high-intensity one like Tabata intervals), consult with a trainer beforehand to learn the correct technique. When going all-out, proper form can be the difference between a ticket to the gun show and a ticket to the physical therapist’s office.

Greatist Experts Ilen Bell and Kelvin Gary each picked one or two of the best moves for each area of the body, with added weights and using bodyweight alone. Each of these four-minute wonders packs a serious punch (just ask my quads after a round of squats), so start with just one or two exercises per workout. Feel free to rest for a few minutes in between the 4-minute bouts, or go back-to-back for an added challenge.

THE MOVESFull Body

1. Burpee: Start standing, then crouch to a low squat position with the hands on the floor. Then, kick feet back to a plank, then down into the bottom of a push-up. Push off the ground and quickly return to the squat position. Last step? Jump up as high as possible before squatting down again and jumping back into the next push-up.


Lower Body
2. Jump squat: Stand with the feet hip-width apart, toes pointing forward. Sit back into a squat (hips below parallel, please!) then drive the whole body up through the heels, shifting weight onto the balls of the feet as you lift off. Be sure to land on the balls of the feet and immediately bend the knees into a full squat. Make sure the knees aren’t wobbling side to side while squatting or landing from a jump.

3. Lunge jump: Start standing with the feet together and lunge the right foot forward, bending the knee about 90-degrees and keeping the torso vertical. Then,jump straight up, and while in the air, switch legs and land in a lunge with the left foot forward.

4. Dumbbell front squat: Hold a dumbbell at the sternum (the center of the chest) and do a basic front squat. Place feet a little wider than shoulder-width apart, hips stacked over knees, knees over ankles. Inhale and unlock the hips, bringing them back as the knees begin to bend. Keep the chest and shoulders upright, and continue until the hips are slightly less than 90 degrees from the ground. On the way back up, engage the core and drive through the heels to return to standing.




5. Kettlebell swing: Stand up straight, with feet a bit wider than hip-distance apart. Grab hold of the kettlebell with both hands, keeping the palms face down and arms in front of the body. Keep the knees slightly bent and drive the hips and bell back (it’s not a squat, so the knees shouldn’t have to bend that much), lowering the body just a bit to an athletic stance. In one fluid motion, explosively drive the hips forward while swinging the kettlebell, engaging the glutes and core. 

Upper Body
6. Push-up: Get into a plank position with hands planted a little bit wider than shoulder width apart. Keep the elbows close to the body throughout the movement. Ground the toes into the floor and engage the abs and back so the body is neutral.Lower the body in one straight line until the chest touches the floor. Keeping the core engaged, exhale, and push back to the start position.

7. Overhead neutral grip press: Stand with the feet shoulder-width apart core tight. Raise the dumbbell, kettlebell, or barbell up to the shoulders with palms facing each other and the elbows below the wrists. Press the weights upward until the arms are fully extended overhead, and then lower back to the shoulders.
Cardio

8. Sprints: To get extra speedy, make sure form fits function. Hold the correct posture, with eyes up, chest tall, shoulders relaxed, and arms swinging up and down with the elbows at 45-degree angles.

9. Stationary bike or rower: Hopping on the bike for a quick spin is pretty self-explanatory, but the indoor rower is a bit trickier. First, strap feet into the foot stretchers, sit up tall, and grab the handle. Roll forward until legs are completely bent and arms are reaching forward. From this starting position (called the “catch”), explosively drive the legs back. When the legs are nearly extended, swing the torso back and pull the arms in so the handle is almost touching the rib cage. From here (aka the “finish”) recover by stretching the arms straight out, returning the upper body to a straight, vertical position, and bending the legs back to the catch.Core




10. Russian twist: Sit on the floor with the knees bent and feet together and lifted a few inches off the floor. With the back at a 45-degree angle from the ground, move the arms from one side to another in a twisting motion. Go super slow, twisting the shoulders completely from side to side.

11. Ski abs: Start in pushup position with hands under the shoulders and core engaged. Jump the feet to the left side of the body, as close to the upper torso as possible. Jump the legs back to a straight plank position and repeat on the right side.


With the exception of the weighted movements, most of these can be performed anywhere, any time. All you need is a set of comfy clothes and a serious work ethic. To make keeping track of the time easier, consider downloading a Tabata timer app. Again, consider meeting with a trainer to go over correct form (even if you’ve previously done these moves) before starting a Tabata fitness regimen to prevent injury. 
http://greatist.com/fitness/best-tabata-moves

Manage Your Expectations, Lower Your Stress

When my newly-married sister announced earlier this year that she was pregnant, she was excited -- and oddly quiet about it. She worried intensely and often (as I imagine most mothers do). She didn't like talking about it. What if something went wrong? She didn't want to jinx things her first time out.

That baby is now four months old and the happiest kid I've seen. He smiles easily and often, and my sister's fears were all for naught. But the fact is that her fearful imaginings made things harder and more stressful for her. Her expectation -- that something that could go wrong would, and that she wouldn't be able to handle it -- raised her stress levels considerably.

Your outlook is a product of your own relationship with expectation. What will or won't happen, no one knows. And how we deal with the stress of not knowing, whether to hope for the best or expect the worst, the idea that our expectations always directly affect an outcome is little more than magical thinking.

(If you're a control freak like me, you'll be well aware of how uncomfortable this makes you. Discover ways to curb that inner ogre.)

Your outlook, in the end, is a choice. Some optimists claim to be born with a sunny disposition, and yet they still get to choose how they anticipate and respond to the world around them -- which they have as little control over as a pessimist. The difference is that an optimist can always find something good about what happened.

A true dyed-in-the-wool pessimist, however, likely says he didn't choose that outlook -- the world has simply not proved to be worthy of more. Wrong. Pessimism is a choice, too. It's also a last-ditch effort at control. Because, if things go as wrong as you suspect, you can say, I knew it would happen. Show me a person ruled by pessimism and I'll show you a person who's afraid to get their hopes up.

Here are a few ways to shift your expectations -- and reduce your stress:

• Reframe stress itself. Jan Bruce, CEO of meQ, recently posted a blog about how framing stress as bad can make stress worse -- and so even your expectation of stress and its effects can take a toll (based on psychologist and researcher Kelly McGonigal's work on the subject). Rather than worry that stress is going to screw everything up, learn to see stress as an ally. Your stress response, after all, is your body's effort to cope with external risks and threats. When you can see it that way, and not as some outside enemy, you can reinterpret that stress as you rising to the occasion, rather than the world crashing down on you.
• Stop expecting people to agree with you. This comes from a great post ("7 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others") on inspirational writers Marc and Angel's blog. If you go into every day expecting that there should be universal acceptance of your ideas and thoughts, you set yourself up for disappointment:
  "You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. In fact, the more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less approval you need from everyone else."
• Stop expecting people to read your mind. At meQ, Mind Reading is one of the key Thinking Traps that get people stuck. It presumes a few things: One, that if someone really loved you, they would know, and second, that it's everyone else's job to anticipate your needs and wants. This creates stress -- not to mention tension in relationships. Speak up! Communicate precisely what you need and why before you get upset or annoyed. You can cut those emotional responses off at the pass, and change the nature of your day.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mequilibrium/managing-expectations_b_4086393.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living

7 Pieces of Fitness Advice We Actually Want to Follow

There are a lot of voices shouting fitness tips from the rooftops, but not a lot of it is advice that we actually want to follow. Take, for example, the popular slogan among some fitness fanatics that says, "Unless you puke, faint, or die, keep going." If one more person tries to tell us we just have to run a marathon or try their favorite CrossFit box or take up barre classes, maybe we will just puke, faint, or die.
And while fitness (and diet, nutrition, sleep—heck, health, for that matter) is incredibly personal, and definitely not "one-size-fits-all," there are some pieces of advice that really might work for most of us (and certainly won't result in blood loss). Here are seven recommendations we find pretty easy to accept.

1. Just Do 20 Minutes
You don't have to be a marathon runner—and thank goodness. Just 20 minutes of daily activity, while not as effective as 40 minutes of exercise, has been shown to lower body weight and fat, increase fitness, and lower potential markers for type 2 diabetes risk.

2. Take Days Off
We're not saying slack off, but... yeah, okay, every once in a while, slack off! There are very good—and very scientific—reasons to take time off from training. Over-exercising can mess with everything from your muscles and joints to your menstrual and sleep cycles. Not to mention you could end up totally burnt out, seriously injured, or frustratingly stalled in your weight-loss efforts.

3. Find A Workout You Love
We repeat: You don't have to be a marathon runner! If there's one surefire way to continue dreading exercise, it's to force yourself to be active in a way that you don't enjoy. If you hate running or swimming or barre class or yoga, stop doing it! Shoparound until you find something you truly enjoy, whether it's CrossFit or Zumba or Pilates or softball or gardening, and then make it a habit.

4. Stop Doing Crunches
Let's settle this one once and for all: Crunches are not the path to six-pack abs. Research shows that we cannot spot reduce fat in the precise areas we'd like to (in this case, the stomach), no matter how many thousands of crunches we do. Not to mention, crunches are unnecessarily taxing on the spine. That doesn't mean ignore your abs: Core strength is essential to balance, stability, and power in your arms and legs. Just try something safer and more efficient, like a plank

5. Caffeinate
If you've been torn by debates over the health effects of caffeine, consider this: That jolt can give your stamina and endurance a boost, "making a long run or ride feel easier," sports dietitian Molly Kimball told SHAPE in an earlier post. Whether you prefer coffee or tea is up to you. Just go easy on the sweeteners, as sugar may negate the pick-me-up from the caffeine.

6. Sleep InIt's a classic conundrum: Both exercise and sleep are crucial, but if you get a lousy night's rest, do you still get up for that a.m. workout you had planned? Research is on our (sleepy) side here: Skimping on sleep to exercise may actually put your health at risk. "If you're short on sleep, you experience higher levels of inflammation and a decrease in the hormones that help you lose fat and stabilize your appetite," Ben Greenfield told HuffPost in February.

Plus, we know from daylight saving time research that losing just one hour of sleep increases your likelihood of dangerous side effects like car accidents, heart attacks, and workplace injuries. Permission granted to stay under the covers and feel good about it

7. Drink Chocolate MilkWe couldn't help but rejoice when we first heard the news that chocolate milk is a pretty solid combination of the carbs and protein your body needs while recovering from a workout. The sweet sip was long maligned for being high in sugar and fat, but recent research gives us permission to feel like a kid again. (In moderation, of course!)

http://www.shape.com/fitness/workouts/7-pieces-fitness-advice-we-actually-want-follow

What Is The Secret Of Success?

What is the secret of success? According to a new study by Talent Smart and published in Psychology Today, the secret of success in the workplace may be having a high emotional quotient (EQ). Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence “is the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one’s own feelings, as well as engage and navigate successfully with those of others.”

Their research showed that 90% of high performers in the workplace possess a high emotional quotient, while 80% of low performers have a low EQ.

There are many different tests (and whole books written) on the topic of emotional intelligence and how to determine your emotional quotient. Here’s a short one from the University of Washington. Of course, most of these tests are self-graded so there may be a bias if a person is unrealistic in their self-assessment.

According to the Psychology Today article, here are five ways to boost your emotional intelligence:

1. Improve the ability to deal with so-called “negative“ emotions. While the author of the article defines some emotions as negative, the reality is that most emotions can be constructive if we learn to express them in a helpful way. Learning to deal with anger, frustration, and other difficult emotions in a way that doesn’t overwhelm us or affect our judgement is critical to success. There are many ways to deal with difficult emotions, which include: writing them out, going for a brisk walk, waiting a while before sending out that angry e-mail, or spending time in nature. Of course, these are just a few. I’d love to hear from you about the ways you deal with difficult emotions.

2. Stay cool under pressure. Boosting the ability to remain calm under pressure is one way to handle stressful situations in an assertive, rather than a reactive, way. Simply breathing deeply and counting to ten prior to expressing anger can be helpful. Similar to number one, vigorous activity or spending some time in nature can also help us keep our cool.

3. Pay attention to social cues. People with a high EQ are generally more accurate in their interpretation of others’ emotional, verbal, and physical expressions. They also tend to be effective at communicating their intentions. The author suggests coming up with multiple interpretations of someone’s expressions or actions instead of jumping to conclusions about his or her behavior. And, avoid personalizing someone else’s behavior. Seek clarification about someone else’s intentions or feelings if you are uncertain.

4. Be assertive and express difficult emotions when necessary. Set boundaries. Say “no” if you really need to and don’t feel guilty about it. Avoid trying to be superwoman or superman, taking on every responsibility that someone throws at you. I’ve been asked on occasion why I seem to have a positive outlook on aging while so many people desperately try to look and act younger. My response is simple: I would never want to go back to being younger now that I’ve gained more confidence and a stronger sense of myself, along with the ability to say “no” and set clear boundaries, without feeling guilty.

5. Express intimate emotions in close relationships. Another key to success is building and maintaining strong intimate relationships and one of the best ways to do that is to learn to share emotions in a constructive way and respond positively when another person does so. Of course, knowing with whom to share these emotions is also imperative. Some emotions are best reserved for strong personal relationships, not just acquaintances. But finding ways to let someone know they are important, cared for, or loved is important to relationships but also our self-worth and our emotional quotient. As John Donne aptly wrote, “no man is an island.” Strong relationships give us a solid foundation from which to experience life.

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/the-secret-of-success.html

The 6 Weight-Loss Tips That Science Actually Knows Work

When it comes down to it, the things we know to be true about weight loss are relatively simple, and certainly few. They’re also extremely effective when actually carried out. So, from the researchers who have studied this stuff for decades, here’s pretty much everything we know about weight loss today, whittled down to six points about how the body actually gains, loses, and maintains its weight.


1. Dieting trumps exercising
We hear a lot that a little exercise is the key to weight loss – that taking the stairs instead of the elevator will make a difference, for instance. But in fact it’s much more efficient to cut calories, says Samuel Klein, MD at Washington University’s School of Medicine. “Decreasing food intake is much more effective than increasing physical activity to achieve weight loss. If you want to achieve a 300 kcal energy deficit you can run in the park for 3 miles or not eat 2 ounces of potato chips.” It’s as simple as that. Of course, both together would be even better.

The problem is that when you rely on exercise alone, it often backfires, for a couple of reasons. This is partly because of exercise’s effects on the hunger and appetite hormones, which make you feel noticeably hungrier after exercise.

The other problem with exercise-without-dieting is that it’s simply tiring, and again, the body will compensate. Some of the calories we burn come from our basic movements throughout the day – so if you’re wiped out after exercise, and more likely to sit on the couch afterwards, you’ve lost the energy deficit you gained from your jog.


2. Exercise can help fix a “broken” metabolism, especially during maintenanceWhile exercise may not be as important for weigh loss as calorie restriction, it’s important in another way: It begins to repair a broken metabolism. Within a couple of days of non-activity, the metabolism becomes inflexible. You start moving again, and it does start to change.” Your metabolism may not ever go back to “normal” (more on this below), but theevidence indicates that it can indeed pick up again, in large part through moving your body every day.

This is a large part of why exercise is critical in the maintenance phase, which is well known to be more difficult than the weight loss phase. We think it’s partly because in the extra calories burned from physical activity, you have a bit more flexibility in food intake, so you’re not so much relying on ridged changes in eating habits; it makes it more tolerable.”


3. You’re going to have to work harder than other people – possibly forever
Though exercise can help correct a metabolism that’s been out of whack for a long time, the grisly reality is that it may not ever go back to what it was before gained weight. So if you’ve been overweight or obese and you lose weight, maintaining that loss means you’re probably going to have to work harder than other people, maybe for good. Building muscle can help your body burn a few more calories throughout the day, but it’s also likely that you’ll have to work harder aerobically in the long run.


4. There’s no magical combination of foods
There are low-fat diets, low-carb diets, low glycemic diets, Paleo diets, and a lot of iterations of all of these. There doesn’t seem to be any “right” diet, and there doesn’t seem to be any evidence that one particular diet will work better with an individual’s specific metabolism. We know pretty much that any diet will help you lose weight if you follow it. There’s no magic diet. The truth is that ALL Diets will work if you follow them.”


5. A calorie IS a calorie!
And for energy balance, it’s the number of calories that matters. You can gain weight eating too much healthy food as well as unhealthy. From the standpoint of health, it’s better to eat your veggies…. It’s just a lot easier to overeat calories from junk food than healthy food. But the source of calories obviously matters for other reasons. First of all, no one overeats veggies, so on a practical level, that’s a non-issue. In fact, the food industry has carved out a whole new area of food science to study the “bliss point,” in which foods are created to increase the amount it takes to feel satiated and full.

It’s true that types of foods you eat may, over time, affect your metabolic profile, so they may also matter in this way, but when it boils down, sticking to any reduced-calorie diet will create the energy deficit needed to lose weight.


6. It’s all about the brain As my colleagues have reported, it’s not the body or the metabolism that are actually creating overweight or obesity – it’s the brain. We all know intuitively that poor decisions are what make you gain weight and better ones are what make you lose it. The problem is that over time, the poor decisions lead to significant changes in how the brain governs – and, amazingly, responds to – the hunger and satiation processes. 

While there may be some degree of “damage” to the brain, particularly in how hunger and satiety hormones function, it can correct itself to a large degree over time. The key is that the process does take time, and like any other behavior change, is ultimately a practice.


So boiling it down even further: reduce calories, eat better, exercise, and most of all, remember it is a practice that has to be repeated over time – months or years. The fact that you’ll have to work harder at maintenance than your never-overweight best friend is depressing, but it’s worth coming to terms with. And, most important to remember, your brain (the organ behind all this, after all) is plastic, and it will respond to the changes you make – better than you think. And so will your body.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2013/09/04/the-6-weight-loss-tips-that-science-actually-knows-work/

September Is The Best Month To Kickstart Weight Loss Success, Says Leading Nutritionist

IF LOSING weight was at the top of your wish list for 2013, it's time to get cracking. September leaves us three months until Christmas and a great incentive to really focus on getting rid of extra kilos we're carrying before the end of the year.

"If you stick to a sensible eating plan now you can aim to lose half a kilo every week, which adds up to 10 kilograms by the end of the year," said Susie Burrell, a leading nutritionist.

According to the most recent study taken by the Australian Institute of Health, cardiovascular disease remains the biggest killer of Australians. Being overweight, having high blood cholesterol and diets loaded with saturated fat are among the most common root causes.

Depressing? The good news is the most effective changes are the small, everyday tweaks you can make to your diet and exercise program.

Here are Ms Burrell's top tips for making the most of the next four months.

1. Eat much less at night
An easy way to do this is eat more at lunchtime and then have a soup or salad for dinner. Try and stop the habit of getting home from work, stuffing your face with a heavy dinner and a dessert.

2. Be honest about your worst diet habit. Then change it.
Do you drink too much at night? Do you eat chocolate after every meal? Do you avoid exercise? Do you drink too much coffee? Just a couple of weeks making this change will help you drop a kilo or two.

3. Limit alcohol to just one or two times a week
This one is a no-brainer. Alcohol is basically a glassful of empty calories and drinking too much can easily lead to overeating. So cut things off at the pass and minimise your drinking.

4. Focus on vegetables or salad to reduce calories from carbs and proteins
Drink a vegetable juice in the morning, eat soup before each main meal and snack on vegetables. They're high in fibre and nutrients and low on calories.

5.Track your calories There are so many Apps around for your phone and you can also put something on your work computer. Even the act of writing a food journal can keep you accountable.

6. Limit eating out to one to two times a week
We eat at least 400-500 extra calories when we eat out so limiting the number of times we do it automatically supports weight loss quickly and efficiently.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/september-is-the-best-month-to-kickstart-weight-loss-success-says-leading-nutritionist/story-fni0d7e5-1226710220234

Physical Techniques: Deep Breathing, Progressive Muscular Relaxation & The Relaxation Response

Introduction:
This tool introduces three useful physical relaxation techniques that can help you reduce muscle tension and manage the effects of the fight-or-flight response on your body. This is particularly important if you need to think clearly and perform precisely when you are under pressure.

Deep Breathing:
Deep breathing is a simple but very effective method of relaxation. It is a core component of everything from the "take ten deep breaths" approach to calming someone down, right through to yoga relaxation and meditation. It works well in conjunction with other relaxation techniques such as Progressive Muscular Relaxation, relaxation imagery and meditation to reduce stress.
To use the technique, take a number of deep breaths and relax your body further with each breath. That's all there is to it!


Progressive Muscular Relaxation (PMR):
Progressive Muscular Relaxation is useful for relaxing your body when your muscles are tense. The idea behind PMR is that you tense up a group of muscles so that they are as tightly contracted as possible. Hold them in a state of extreme tension for a few seconds. Then, relax the muscles to their previous state. Finally, consciously relax the muscles even further so that you are as relaxed as possible.
By tensing your muscles first, you will probably find that you are able to relax your muscles more than would be the case if you tried to relax your muscles directly.

Experiment with PMR by forming a fist, and clenching your hand as tight as you can for a few seconds. Then relax your hand to its previous tension, and then consciously relax it again so that it is as loose as possible. You should feel deep relaxation in your hand muscles.

For maximum relaxation you can use PMR in conjunction with breathing techniques and imagery.


The “Relaxation Response”:
We mentioned “The Relaxation Response” in our article on Meditation. In a series of experiments into various popular meditation techniques, Dr. Benson established that these techniques had a very real effect on reducing stress and controlling the fight-or-flight response. Direct effects included deep relaxation, slowed heartbeat and breathing, reduced oxygen consumption and increased skin resistance.

This is something that you can do for yourself by following these steps:

• Sit quietly and comfortably.
• Close your eyes.
• Start by relaxing the muscles of your feet and work up your body relaxing muscles.
• Focus your attention on your breathing.
• Breathe in deeply and then let your breath out. Count your breaths, and say the number of the breath as you let it out (this gives you something to do with your mind, helping you to avoid distraction).
• Do this for ten or twenty minutes.

An even more potent alternative approach is to follow these steps, but to use relaxation imagery instead of counting breaths in step 5.
Summary:
“Deep Breathing,” “Progressive Muscular Relaxation,” and the steps leading to the “Relaxation Response” are three good techniques that can help you to relax your body and manage the symptoms of the fight-or-flight response.

These are particularly helpful for handling nerves prior to an important performance, and for calming down when you are highly stressed.

http://www.mindtools.com/stress/RelaxationTechniques/PhysicalTechniques.htm

How To Refresh Your Relationship Today

Relationships — like everything we do in life — don’t really operate as well as we think they do on auto-pilot. While everything may seem fine on the surface, dig a little deeper and you’ll find two people who are unhappy, but just don’t know how to broach the subject.

Let’s face it, sometimes our romantic relationships can just become stagnant.

It’s time to reignite the flame and restore the passion that you and your partner deserve.

How do you do it? Click through to find out!

1. Be social. Look for healthy couples to hang out with. Summer is almost over, but there’s still time for barbecues, pool parties, camping, picnics in the park, and going to the beach. Socializing with other couples will bring about new adventures to add to your list.
2. Make your partner feel special. Let him or her know that your relationship is at the top of your priority list. Brainstorm different ways that you can show them daily.
3. Learn to be an effective communicator. Being a good communicator means being a good listener. Most couples listen with the intent to reply. Instead, listen with the intent to understand.
4. Play nice. It’s not always going to be fun and games. There will be times that you and your partner don’t get along. Watch your tone. No name-calling, no degrading, and no blaming. Before you speak, ask yourself, “is this helping or hurting the relationship?” If you slip up, don’t forget to apologize.
5. Volunteering at a church, soup kitchen, women’s shelter, animal shelter, Red Cross, or nursing home is a great way to give back to the community and will leave you and your partner with a sense of accomplishment.
6. Break up the routine from time to time to make things more exciting.
7. Learn to accept your partner for the things that you like and don’t like. Respect each other’s differences. Allow your partner to be themselves. If we mold our partner to be what we wish they were, then we only love the reflection of ourselves.
8. Everyone needs alone time. Take a personal day and enjoy being with yourself. Go for a walk, have a spa day, hit some balls on the golf course, or whatever else you find relaxing.
9. Surprise your partner. Try a card to let your partner know how much you appreciate him or her, a smiley face balloon to brighten a tough day at work, a bouquet of seasonal flowers, or a gourmet box of chocolates to share while watching a romantic movie. Surprises can also come in other forms. Straightening up the garage or cleaning up the kitchen can be a great gift.
10. Intimacy not only means physical affection, it also means emotional affection. Take time to talk to your partner about your emotional and physical needs. Discuss how you can improve in these areas and follow through.
11. Equally divide chores. Evenly distributed chores could equal more intimacy.
12. Experience something new. Maybe redo a room together or learn how to make sushi this Friday night. Check out the website Pinterest for ideas that might interest both of you.
13. Schedule some uninterrupted time for the two of you on the family calendar.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/05/how-to-refresh-your-relationship-today/

5 Ways To Become A Better Thinker

We're seduced into believing that brilliant thinkers are born that way. We think they magically produce brilliant ideas. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Do you want to come up with more imaginative ideas? Do you stumble with complicated problems? Do you want to find new ways to confront challenges?

Of course you do. So do I.

But when is the last time you thought about how you think?

Do you have a process for making decisions? Are you using mental models and connecting big ideas from multiple disciplines? Are you taking steps to reduce cognitive biases? Have you defined the problem and do you know what success looks like?

Just as with any skill, some of us are better at thinking than others. Why?

We're seduced into believing that brilliant thinkers are born that way. We think they magically produce brilliant ideas.

Nothing could be further from the truth. While there are likely genetic exceptions, the vast majority of the people we consider brilliant use their minds differently.

Often, these geniuses practice learnable habits of thinking that allow them to see the world differently. By doing so, they avoid much of the folly that so often ensnares others. Eliminating stupidity is easier than seeking brilliance.

"It is remarkable how much long-term advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent." — Charlie Munger

I came across The 5 Elements of Effective Thinking, authored by Dr. Edward B. Burger and Dr. Michael Starbird, which presents some practical ways for us to improve our thinking.


They make a pretty bold claim in the introduction.

You can personally choose to become more successful by adopting five learnable habits, which, in this book, we not only explain in detail but also make concrete and practical.

1.Understand deeply
Don't face complex issues head-on; first understand simple ideas deeply. Clear the clutter and expose what is really important. Be brutally honest about what you know and don't know. Then see what's missing, identify the gaps, and fill them in. Let go of bias, prejudice, and preconceived notions. There are degrees to understanding (it's not just a yes-or-no proposition) and you can always heighten yours. Rock-solid understanding is the foundation for success.


2.Make mistakes
Fail to succeed. Intentionally get it wrong to inevitably get it even more right. Mistakes are great teachers — they highlight unforeseen opportunities and holes in your understanding. They also show you which way to turn next, and they ignite your imagination.


3.Raise questions
Constantly create questions to clarify and extend your understanding. What's the real question? Working on the wrong questions can waste a lifetime. Ideas are in the air — the right questions will bring them out and help you see connections that otherwise would have been invisible. 

4.Follow the flow of ideas
Look back to see where ideas came from and then look ahead to discover where those ideas may lead. A new idea is a beginning, not an end. Ideas are rare — milk them. Following the consequences of small ideas can result in big payoffs.

These are the four basic building blocks for effective thinking. The fifth is change.


5.Change
The unchanging element is change — by mastering the first four elements, you can change the way you think and learn. You can always improve, grow, and extract more out of your education, yourself, and the way you live your life. Change is the universal constant that allows you to get the most out of living and learning. 

If you're stuck, need a new idea, or just want to improve your thinking, The 5 Elements of Effective Thinking will help you on your way.

http://theweek.com/article/index/248412/5-ways-to-become-a-better-thinker

Why Bragging Is Not A Bad Thing

I used to think bragging was bad. That it was arrogant and was evidence of an overly-developed ego.

That idea was reinforced growing up. The message I got was that it was better to appear humble and not make a big deal of your achievements. The underlying Greek superstition was that if you talked too much about something good, you were going to give it the evil eye and everything would go to hell in a hand basket.

I've always been such a good student that I carried what I learned through most of my adult life. What that meant in my career was that as good as I was externally promoting my value, I wasn't as good internally in the companies I worked for. In my naïveté, I believed what had been ingrained inside of me from childhood: that I didn't have to. My value would be recognized. I would be rewarded without having to point out why. Plus, I was a woman. Bragging was something men did. Nice girls don't brag.

I can almost LOL reading that line back to myself.

My opinion about bragging changed 10 years ago when I met Regena Thomashauer. Bragging, in her book, is a celebration of who you are and what you create. It's owning those milestones, big and small, and allowing yourself to physically feel the full effect of what you've accomplished.

The Internet is full of so many people touting and promoting themselves that its easy to see why bragging is still seen as a bad thing to so many.

But when you brag from a place of truth and not made-up hype and gobbledygook jargon, it lands differently.

You get to feel your worth.

You're reminded that you actually have accomplished an awful lot -- even though you were not taking the time to notice.

You get ready for more.

It's not easy to do in the beginning, but like so many exercises, the more you practice, the better you get.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joanne-tombrakos/why-bragging-is-not-a-bad-thing_b_3784732.html

The Only Career Question You'll Ever Need To Ask

In our work lives, we are constantly asking questions, evaluating our options, and making decisions. This swirl of considerations can be overwhelming at times, and with so many questions to ask it can be hard to know which is more important. The most important career question you’ll ever ask is only three letters long, but packs one heck of a punch. The question is…why? It’s such an important question; I recommend you ask it five times over any time you’re making any major decision at work or in life.

I learned the “5 Whys” tool from Martha Beck, a coaching mentor of mine. Here’s how it works. You identify a stressful thought or an action related to your career or business (e.g., I should quit my job), and then you drill down the rationale behind that thought by asking why five times, going deeper each time.

I use this exercise to help my clients get a better understanding of their thought processes – to determine whether the thought is true, or is simply misguided. You start with a thought or inclination, and with each why you drill down closer to the motivating assumption.

Let’s try:

I should apply for a promotion. 

Why? Because other people are going to apply. Why does that matter? Because I don’t want someone else to get it over me. Why? Because I don’t want to be in a lower position. Why? I don’t want to have no power. Why? I’m afraid I’ll be taken advantage of.


Aha! You’ve uncovered some valuable information. This appears to be a fear-based decision.

It could also go like this:

I should apply for a promotion. 

Why? It’s the perfect job for me! Why? I’d love that job. Why? I’m good at all of those things. Why? I have experience with those activities. Why? I’ve volunteered for those types of projects before.

You can see that the motivating thoughts in these two examples are quite different. Let’s try another common one:

My business needs more social media presence. 

Why? Everyone else is on Twitter. Why does that matter? A business needs to be on Twitter to be successful. Why? Because that’s where the customers are. Why? Because they’re interacting with other people. Why? Because it’s fun and social.

You get the gist. In this example, the person’s thinking might be correct or misguided, depending on the type of business, target market, and marketing strategy. If you operate a dry cleaning business, for example, something like Twitter may be far less relevant than for someone whose services – say, outdoor adventure travel – translate well to social engagement. The point is to dig down to where the seed of your thought is planted and evaluate it.

Note that in both of the above examples, the word should or need is present. Pay close attention to any business or career decision that is driven by a forced or constraining undertone. In the coaching community, we call these types of thoughts “shackles on” – thoughts that feel restrictive and binding. Are you simply trying to keep up with the Jones’, or are you making a well-thought-out decision for your business? The former suggests a panicked and potentially irrational decision, while the latter is more likely to be a good choice.

Doing anything that feels “shackles on,” without being in line with your company’s strategy and values, is a shouldy way of thinking (say it out loud). Steer clear of this type of decision-making. Asking why five times over is especially helpful for sorting out anxiety-inducing thoughts, and it works just as well for personal decisions as it does for professional ones. Try this exercise when you’re struggling with any decision that stresses you out. Better yet, have a colleague or friend take you through it so you can answer aloud. You’ll be able to peg your rationale as either wise or misguided the moment it leaves your lips.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/85broads/2013/08/19/the-only-career-question-youll-ever-need-to-ask/

4 Ways To Boost Your Willpower

Willpower is essential to the accomplishment of anything worthwhile ~Brian Tracy 

Usually when people hear the word “willpower,” they think about things like losing weight or quitting smoking. 

Willpower is certainly helpful when it comes to trying to break those bad habits, but it can also be very beneficial in other areas of your life as well. Willpower is something we are not born with, but must nurture and build up in ourselves. Once you learn to strengthen your willpower, it will give you a leg-up in achieving your goals. How? Because you will then be able to develop an unshakable focus and intensity in purpose! 

So how do you go about building your willpower? 

1. Commit! 

You must be completely and thoroughly committed to reaching your goals. If you are not absolutely committed to what you want to accomplish, there is no way that you will be able to develop sustaining willpower. It is very difficult to be successful in achieving your goals if you harbor second thoughts, excuses, or doubts. Be absolutely honest with yourself and find that “thing” that you truly want to see through until the end. Also keep in mind that simply having the desire to succeed at something does not guarantee accomplishment or success. It is entirely possible for you to desire many things without making a firm commitment. So, you need to be able to figure out that you really want and then plan to take the appropriate actions. 

2. Call on your inner strength. 

Building your willpower takes perseverance. This is a time for you to call upon your inner strength, you know, that extra push you need to get through the tough times. You have made the commitment to take a journey to strengthen your willpower and accomplish your most challenging goals. Great! The truth is, you will have many days of success, but there will also be those days that don’t feel as triumphant. It is on those not-so-good days that you will need to call upon your inner strength to help you get back on track. Every person has an inner strength and most have used it on more than one occasion. Trust in it, and in yourself, and it will get you through your rough spots. 

3. Get support. 

Building your willpower to achieve a goal is a great undertaking. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming. This is why it is so vitally important that you have good support in place during the journey. Share with a friend, significant other, or parent what you are trying to accomplish. In this way, when you hit a stumbling block, you will have someone who you have entrusted to help get you back on the right track. Your support system will help you through the hard times and will celebrate your successes with you. 

4. Consistency counts. 

If you have the willpower, for instance, to stop smoking for one week, that’s great and should indeed be celebrated. But the only way you are going to build your willpower up is to do whatever it takes to avoid a cigarettes today, again tomorrow, and forever. Then soon enough you will be celebrating two weeks, two months, two years, and then forever! 

This strategy applies to any goal that you are seriously devoted to accomplish. You must be willing to keep up the positive behavior all day, each and every day, no exceptions, and no excuses. 

Willpower can be a tricky thing. Everybody wants to develop it in order to break a bad habit or reach a particular goal. But in order to do so, you must be willing to go that extra mile and fully commit yourself to your success.

If you are committed, you are to be commended! As you achieve your goals, remember to celebrate your successes each and every day. 

What are you working on?

http://www.business2community.com/strategy/4-ways-to-boost-your-willpower-0583915?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=4-ways-to-boost-your-willpower

How To Really Work Out Your Brain -- And Why You'll Want To

You know (if you even read one out of every 10 of our columns) that we believe daily exercise is next to tooth brushing and flossing for keeping you looking good and keeping your body fit and working right. But it is even more important for the one part of your body where size matters: your brain. Powering through a Zumba class or hiking for an afternoon does as much good for your noodle as for your muscles and blood vessels. But that's not the only kind of workout that will beef up your brain.

A group of scientists from Rush University Medical Center in Chicago published a study in the July 2013 issue of the journal Neurology showing that greater cognitive activity in childhood, middle age and in old age makes your brain better later.

So what does that mean for you? If you want to be “all there” for your children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren, there's plenty you can do right now to prepare. And just because it has to do with challenging your brain cells doesn't mean it has to feel like homework.

Think that you're too old to spend time playing games? Nonsense! Just think of it as doing a mental workout. Doing word puzzles, playing card games and reading your favourite trashy novels all count as ways to keep your mind active. Yoga engages your core and a riveting whodunit engages your grey matter. In fact, there are any number of fun, natural activities that might seem frivolous, but give you the lasting benefits of psychological circuit training. Write in your journal or email with an old friend. Turn off the TV for a while and have a chat with your next-door neighbour. Simple social interaction might not seem like a mental workout, but spending time with your social network is associated with better health and happiness and less dementia later in life. The same is true of taking part in your favourite hobbies. Not a bad way to work out, huh?

Just like any good exercise regimen, you have to target different areas of the body for the full effect. Physical activity is among the other good habits that support mental acuity and stave off cognitive decline as you get older. Yes, exercising your body enlarges your brain, not just your biceps. As does eating right, including getting enough omega-3s from fish. Here's another easy one to check off the better-brain to-do list: Get plenty of sleep.

When you look back with your crystal clear memory decades from now, you’ll be glad you did.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/17/brain-games-_n_3756854.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living

5 Easy Ways To Get Happy

Pursuing your dreams can have its challenges and sometimes be very emotional. However, it's important to stay focused on your goals and put your mind on the positive to fuel your drive to achieve. Guard your thoughts and emotions by intentionally taking action to keep your spirits high. In my office, we have a saying, "If anything can go well, it will!" Expect good things to happen for you and you'll see that more good will come your way! Below are five quick ways to help you the next time you're feeling down and out. Dig yourself out of the dumps with these proven strategies to a happier life.

1. Meditate 15 to 20 minutes every day. 

Meditation can be a life-changing force in your life. The act of solitude can solve many problems. For example, when I was going through a rough divorce in my 20s, I would rise early and escape to my sweet spot where I just cleanse my mind of negative thoughts and visualize a happy future.

2. Guard what you listen to. 

Surround yourself with positive people, have positive conversations and take a break from negative news. To protect your positive mind and atmosphere, refuse to say, hear or agree with any negative words, especially about your life, day or personal economy.

Instead, flip the switch and replace all negative expressions with positive ones. Say statements that create joy in your life. I challenged my clients to take a positivity challenge. For 30 days, speak positive about every situation. They used my personal positivity calendar to chart their progress. You can create your own by recording at least one positive thing that happens each day for 30 days. This challenge will shift your perspective and help you keep a watch on your words while charting a path to a much happier life.


3. Use goal cards.

If you focus on what's possible, your passion to accomplish goals will increase dramatically. Goal cards make this process very simple. Studies show people who review and visualize their written goals are more apt to manifest what they see. There's no better feeling of happiness than to achieve something that you really desire in your life.

4. Eat energy-producing foods. 

Eat lots of proteins and greens and drink water daily. When you feel healthy and alert, your confidence level goes up and makes you a much happier person.

Unhealthy eating and a sedentary lifestyle can have a negative affect on your mood. When you upgrade your body image by eating better and working out, you will immediately begin to upgrade your outlook and feel better about yourself.


5. Surround yourself with things that give you a happy outlook. 

Pictures of fond family memories, artwork, quotes, a happy screensaver on your computer or even fresh flowers. Often, I have my clients create happiness sticky notes where they write messages to affirm their goals, or simple words of encouragement like, "You can do it!" "You're loved!" "You're beautiful!" I tell them to post it to their computer, stick it on a desk or vision board so they can see it often.

Hold on to happiness
Take 10 minutes each morning to see yourself in a happy situation.Be grateful
Look for something to be happy about
Keep a happiness journal

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stacia-pierce/happiness-tips_b_3750932.html

What To Do When You Don't Get The Job: It Starts With Being Proactive

It’s always disheartening when you don’t get the job. Particularly if it was your dream job and you were one of the final candidates. Yes, it’s OK to be disappointed – even angry and hurt. But don’t let your feelings get the better of you.

Even more important, don’t take out your anger on the employer. You know what they say about not burning bridges. There are many ways that you can be proactive in your approach even after they’ve offered the job to someone else.

Just be sure that you’ve dealt with your emotions before you start.

“First and foremost, take a minute to grieve. Especially if it was your dream job, your first reaction is going to be sadness, anger, frustration, etc. and you want to allow yourself a chance to get it out,” says Sara Sutton Fell, CEO of FlexJobs. “Once you’ve calmed down, THEN it’s time to follow up with the employer.”

Lida Citroen, personal branding expert agrees, “It’s important to maintain your integrity and personal brand, look past the short-term disappointment, and turn the negative into a positive for future job opportunities.”

One way to show how gracious you are is to send a thank you note. While everyone knows you should send a thank you note after a job interview – the majority of people don’t bother. So sending a thank you note when you don’t get the job makes you really stand out in a good way.

That’s why many career professionals suggest doing just that. “Even if you didn’t get the job, they still took their time to speak with you, and it is common courtesy to thank them for the opportunity,” says Citroen.

Ronald Kaufman executive coach and author of Anatomy of Success agrees, “Let them know you appreciate learning the status of the job opening. Repeat your strong points as an employee. Always leave the door open.”

“If you’d like to be considered for future opportunities, say just that,” suggests Fell. “If you were one of the finalists for the job, there’s a good chance that they’ll keep you in mind for other possibilities in the future.”

One thing most career experts don’t recommend is asking why you didn’t get the job. Why shouldn’t you ask? Most experts say you’ll probably never really know. There are many possibilities. Maybe someone else just interviewed better. Maybe you didn’t click with the hiring manager. Generally, if you do get an answer from HR it will be only a vague response because companies are afraid of litigation.

In some cases asking may work against you. “Never ask why you didn’t get the job. It could put the hirer on the defensive and make them feel uncomfortable, pretty much ensuring that they won’t contact you about other possibilities,” says Kaufman.

Others disagree. “In order to learn from this experience, it’s important to find out why they decided to go with another candidate,” says Citroen. “Whatever the case may be, in order to see if or how you can improve, it’s important to determine why you weren’t the top pick.”

Dream Job or Dream Company?

Even if this position didn’t work out you never know what the future may bring. There is always the possibility that the person who was hired may not work out. It does happen. More likely however, another position will open.

The secret to staying on their radar is to nurture the connection. Make sure you get the email addresses of everyone you meet during the interview process so you can contact them later, whatever the outcome. As long as your follow-up doesn’t develop into stalking, it’s OK to stay in touch.

“Read publications that pertain to that company’s industry, and with well-timed and polite ‘conversational’ messages, forward the person articles of interest,” suggests Dawn Rasmusssen career expert and founder of Pathfinder Writing and Career Services. “If you see their name in a publication, clip the article and forward it to them to say, ‘Wow- congratulations!’”

Rafe Gomez, The Rehirement Coach, refers to this practice as sending cheesecake – something sweet, appetizing and irresistible that will be of value to the person. “The cheesecakes could be news of a solution that you delivered or made possible, a blog post that you’ve written about an industry trend or development, original research you’ve done, a new customer success story, or new business that you helped to close,” says Gomez. “The best cheesecakes are concise, infrequently delivered, and offer highly interesting info about your exploits.”

It’s important to also consider whether it was the job or the company that attracted you. If your primary goal is to work for XYZ Company you need a strategic marketing plan. Connect in person whenever possible. Many industry associations have monthly meetings – go and be visible. Find out where the people in your target companies hang out online and connect with them through social media.

“You should also start drinking the social media Kool-Aid to show interest in the company, “says Rasmussen. She recommends that you 1) Follow them on LinkedIn 2 )Look up their company’s Twitter handles and follow them 3) Like their Facebook page and 4) Find out where they blog and make positive, helpful comments.

The important point is to never give up particularly when you’re targeting a particular company or companies. The job market changes daily. Company needs change frequently as well. As Rasmussen says, “If you really want to work at a company, you aren’t going to let one ‘NO’ turn you away from them forever, right?”

http://www.forbes.com/sites/85broads/2013/08/16/what-to-do-when-you-dont-get-the-job-it-starts-with-being-proactive/