3 Simple Ways To Get Heard - Even By Your Boss

During a planning session I conducted a couple of months ago with the senior team of a client company, I was asking the larger senior group for feedback on some agreements that had been made the day before by the smaller exec team. One of the senior leaders ventured a disagreement. She made an important point – but expressed it in such a confrontational and unclear way that the whole group immediately rejected it and started defending against it. I untangled the situation (one benefit of having a neutral third party in the room), and the point was eventually understood and incorporated, but it made me think about how the person could have framed it differently to get better results. Because if I, or someone like me, hadn’t been there, this executive’s approach almost assured that her point would have been lost in the flurry of negative reaction to her delivery.

I’ve seen this often: someone makes a key point, but his or her way of conveying it is so emotionally charged, or so extreme, or so laden with I’m-right-and-you’re-wrong overtones, that it’s nearly impossible for other people to hear the actual content of what’s being said.

If this has ever happened to you, or to people who work for you, and you’ve been frustrated about how to change the dynamic, here are three simple ways to help make sure a message gets heard:

1. Avoid using “always” and “never.” 

Even if you think it’s true. When I talked to this executive after the fact, she insisted that her use of the word “never” was justified…but even if that were true, it wouldn’t have mattered – unless it was more important to her to be technically accurate than to get heard. If you tell people that they “never” or “always” do “X”, they will reject your contention out of hand. Their immediate thought will be something like, “Come on, that’s just not true…I can think of at least two times when I have/haven’t done X.” And they’ll 100% forget the actual point you were trying to make. I believe that when we use these words, it’s often because we think it will help make our point more strongly – but trust me, it will backfire.

2. Make requests vs. complaints. 

Complaints say what’s not working; requests ask for a specific improvement. Simply put, a complaint sounds like,“You’re doing X wrong.” A request sounds like, “Could you do Y instead of X?” Complaints make people feel instantly defensive, and their energy then goes toward convincing you that their approach/actions/thinking are right, instead of toward considering your point of view. Requests, though, tend to be received as respectful and collaborative – creating much more room for actual hearing of your point. Here’s an example: imagine someone says to you, “Your people just don’t give us the information we need!” How might you react? Imagine, instead, that person says, “We’d really appreciate getting that information every Friday.” I suspect you’d be much more amenable to changing your behavior after the second sentence.

3. Lead with agreement.

If someone else states his or her point of view, and the first thing you do is disagree or take exception, the other person is likely to respond as though battle lines have been drawn: you on one side, him or her on the other. The two of you will almost certainly settle into defending your points of view, rather than trying to come to a workable middle ground. Even if you later say what you like or agree with about what they’ve said, it tends to be too late to repair the initial adversarial impression.

If, on the other hand, your response begins with something you sincerely like, find appealing, or concur with about the other person’s point of view, whatever you have to say after that (even a disagreement) is much more likely to be heard. Starting by focusing on the areas of agreement helps the other person see you as a supportive and collaborative partner, and will make it much more likely that he or she will be open to your subsequent concerns and suggestions.

A big part of having influence in any environment depends upon creating openness to your point of view. Using any of these approaches can help ensure that your ideas and insights get the hearing they deserve.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikaandersen/2013/12/10/3-simple-ways-to-get-heard-even-by-your-boss/

Clarity Leads to Achievement

I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacation with better care than they do their lives. Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change. 

Without specific goals, there will be no sustainable passion, purpose, or drive in your life. If your goals are too vague, you will find that it is much more difficult to reach your desired and intended results than if you had taken the time to properly prepare in the first place. 

Plan your goals 

You know the drill. Plan your work and work your plan. The planning phase of getting from here to “there,” moving from point A to point B, is the most important stage when it comes to achieving your goals. Planning might be easy or hard for you, but one thing is for sure, and that is without planning the end goal may not even come into existence at all. While it is important that you set up your own system, one that works well for you, there are some simple goal setting strategies you can use to make your planning easier. 

Getting clarity 

1. What do you want? Decide what specifically wish to achieve. Whether your goal is lofty or small, decide exactly what it is that you want. If you want money, how much? If you want to lose weight, how many pounds? If you want success, how do you describe your vision of success? How do you define success for yourself? Don’t be afraid to take your time to figure out what you want. At some point you will need to sift through all of your thoughts and take specific action, but be as sure as you can that you are acting on what is truly important to you! 

2. Specify. The details matter. Be very detailed as you develop each part of your goal. Instead of a goal like “I want to be better at sports,” consider a goal like “I want to perform exceptionally well during spring tryouts so that I can become an all-star point guard for my high school basketball team.” Just being “better” at sports is way too vague. There are just too many options and roads to take that your mind will not be able to focus on any one route to reach your goal. 

3. You know what’s next… Write it down. Write down your all of your ideas and decisions. It does not matter if you use pencil and paper, a computer, or even your cell phone. What is important is that you are able to keep track of a large amount of specific information instead of trying to remember everything. After all, your goals only feel real when you can see them clearly in front of you. 

4. Baby steps. Break your goal down into smaller do-able pieces. If you have a lofty goal, it will be immensely more manageable if you break it down into smaller increments. Smaller pieces will make your goal seem less complex. Plus, it will be easier for you to achieve your ultimate goal if everything is set out for you as mini-goals, instead of just one huge, seemingly insurmountable feat. 

5. Rinse and repeat. Repeat the process. Once you have found a good system, meaning, one that works for you, it is then time to repeat the process. Clarify each of the other goals that you would like to achieve. For example, if you would ideally like to “spend more time with your family,” which is waaaaay too vague, make a list of specific family activities you would like to do together, and then work out the details of how you can make those goals a reality. 

Someday is NOT a day of the week! 

One of the biggest reasons that people tend to keep their goals vague is that they are actually afraid of achieving them. It’s true! After all, it really is a whole lot easier and simpler to keep putting off your goals and do nothing, than it is to take specific action to achieve it. 

But then you need to ask yourself, what good is a goal that merely resides on paper or in your head? Once you have decided on a clear and specific goal, it is time to take swift action to make it a reality. 

Do NOT wait for someday to achieve your goals. 

There’s no time like the present… so let’s do this! 

Thoughts?

http://www.business2community.com/health-wellness/clarity-leads-to-achievement-0579953

6 Tips For Happiness

Tip 1: Manage Your Time
“Time,” so they say “is money.” But imagine that as if it was the hours and minutes of your life, managed by a “Universal Bank of Time.” 

Under their strict account usage terms, the UBT would mandate a compulsory daily withdrawal of 24 hours. The hours would be automatically transferred to you at the start of each day. But you could never make a deposit, you could never put back what you didn’t use – unused hours would be taxed at 100%. Worse still, there’d be no online banking with the UBT. No paper statements. You couldn’t even get a balance - you’d never be sure how much time you had left.

If real bank accounts worked this way you’d make sure you spent every penny of your daily withdrawal limit on something worthwhile. Pretty soon you’d probably start to plan your spending – you might even keep a book of items you wanted to spend your money on. So with that in mind…


Tip 2: Make a “Now List” 
Most folks have heard of a Bucket List (taken from the movie of the same name), a list of all the things you’d like to do before you die (“kick the bucket”). It’s a fabulous idea - except for the built-in assumption that we’re going to be doing all these marvelous things at some far flung point in the future, probably when we’ll be far too old and frail to do anything more than regret each and every item on the list as a missed opportunity.

So let’s dispense with the term Bucket List. What we want is to “Live Life Now” list – or a “Now List” for short. Write down everything you’d like to do, then start making it happen.


Tip 3: Collect “Trophies” Andy Warhol, so it’s said, never opened any of his mail. He merely collected it up, put it in a box, and when that box was full, sealed it and wrote the year on the top. 

I’ve never taken the time to find out just how true this story is, but I do know that the first time I heard it, it had a profound effect on me. I wanted to do the same. However, being a somewhat deluded individual, I was fairly certain I could improve on the concept.

And so I started to collect things. Theatre tickets, And so I started to collect things. Theatre tickets, raffle tickets, train tickets, plane tickets, postcards, greeting cards, thank you cards, business cards, labels, badges, anything that was evidence of somewhere I’d been, something I’d done, or someone I’d met. And something I could pin to a board.


Tip 4: Decide What’s Important
Most people I encounter haven’t actually got a clue what they really want. They might wake up in the morning and want to go back to bed. They might flick through a magazine and want those shoes. They might even want the person in the magazine wearing those shoes. But these desires come and go. Few of them seem to stick around and become important - and that’s a mistake.

Knowing exactly what you want is hugely important. Merely knowing has the power to change everything. Not convinced? Then allow me to introduce you to the incredible, completely automated wish-fulfilment machine you have inside your head…


Tip 5: Use The Power of Focus
Brains are amazing. Especially yours. Even mine has its moments. And one of the most fascinating mechanisms of the human brain is how it deals with focus. Have you ever noticed how when you buy a new car, or even when you’ve merely decided what type of car it is you want to buy, you start seeing that same car everywhere?! That’s the power of focus. It happens because in order for our brains to cope with the extraordinary amount of information coming in through our five senses from the world around us, we’re programmed to concentrate on what’s “important,” and more or less ignore the rest.

Unconvinced? Excellent!

You might be asking yourself how does the brain determine what’s important? And the answer is: you tell it! And this mechanism isn’t just taking place during card tricks; this happens all day, every day. Your brain is continually filtering the information coming in based on what you’ve decided is important. Strange then that we quite often focus on entirely the wrong things, or nothing at all. 


Tip 6: Remind Yourself Of The Important Things Most people own a wallet, a purse, or some other item to carry around their credit cards, dog-eared receipts or (if you’re really retro) cash.

If your wallet is like mine then it might have a small see-through pocket where you’re supposed to put a photo of a loved one. Ditch it. Not the loved one, just the photo.

On a small piece of card, just big enough to fit that space, write down what you really want in life – your “life vision” if you like – and place it in your wallet. What we’re doing here is utilizing that Power Of Focus on a daily basis by creating something that will remind you of those important things, each and every time you look in your wallet.



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peter-jones/6-tips-for happiness_b_3436324.html#slide=2567639