9 Tips for Seizing Control Of Your Life

1. Here today, gone today – live life now! Security is an illusion, so seize life today.

2. Follow your inner compass – your intuition. When you commit to the journey, you will always end up in a place you describe and recognise as better than your starting point.For me, intuition is a feeling I get in my stomach that a certain course of action should be pursued- normally it makes no sense from a rational perspective! For others, it is a compelling inner voice, sending them on their journey. The key is to find out how your intuition delivers. Then, once you’ve identified it, use it as your compass. The more you use it, the stronger this “core muscle” works.

3. Don’t commit your dreams and aspirations to the “normal” pros and cons approach. Remember, in the context of your dreams, knowledge will always give you enough reasons not to act.

4. Self awareness is the most important attribute a leader could develop, according to the Stanford Business School Advisory Committee, so start the journey today. Remember seeing, not solving, the problem is the ultimate challenge. When you are on the trip, you start to see!

5. Become a sponge – move towards expert status in your niche! You are a lot less than 10,000 hours away from not just getting, but creating a job! A commitment to ongoing learning is a key attribute of achievers.

6. Discover your purpose: live on flow and you’ll never truly work another day in your life! Reflect on your values and interests – this may give you an insight into your bliss.

7. Model off past success strategies. Even some of the highest achievers I have worked with around the world in companies had a disempowering inner dialogue running.The fact is, you have already shown you have what it takes to live the dreams. As a child, you mastered the art of walking and talking by intuitively knowing that failure brought you closer to success. The Global Entrepreneurial Monitor highlights “fear of failure” as the number one obstacle for potential entrepreneurs.
“Fear” or “failure” were not an issue when you were a child. Add to that the levels of creativity you enjoyed as a child… the ability to let emotions come and go… how curious you were… and you will realise you have truly shown you have what it takes to re-engage in life.

8. Be open to the fact that everybody can be your teacher – from the most annoying person in your life at the moment to the uninhibited child. This type of thinking will open the door to teachers that will show you the way!

9. Take the first step NOW! Crossing the bridge from inaction to action may be the longest bridge in the world, but when you get to the other side, watch your life transform into one of magic and adventure! Remember, the first step can be small or big!

http://inspiremetoday.com/brilliance/9-tips-seizing-control-of-life/

Raising Your Self-esteem To Have A Better Career

Most of your frustrations and struggles during your job search have to deal with insecurity. How you feel about yourself will either spawn motivation and energy or will severely hurt your chances for a great career.

When you increase your confidence level, you are able to interview more effectively, negotiate higher salaries and, subsequently you will receive a wider number of offers. Conversely, when you fail to do so, you are going to be paid less, given fewer responsibilities and will end up accepting a position that you are overqualified for.

Insecurity is like a leash that tethers you to a finite number of job options. Because of self-doubt, distrust and insecurity, you’ve become estranged from your true source of power. Luckily, there is nothing stopping you from changing.

You can train yourself to begin to feel more confident both in life and when interviewing. It doesn’t happen overnight, though with practice it will happen and it will change your career.

To help, I’ve listed some basic exercises for you to implement in order to gain key self-esteem and momentum during job transitions:

1. Begin refuting the thoughts pertaining to your negative self-image

In order to begin to raise your self-esteem, you must learn to refute the destructive thoughts you have about yourself.

Stop focusing on what you don’t like about your personality, abilities or qualifications. Begin to replace those thoughts with the aspects that you do admire.

Stop calling yourself names, it’s counterproductive. Instead, focus on what you like about yourself. Forget failures. Rather, think about prior achievements, positive qualities and difficulties you’ve overcome in the past.

2. Learn to effectively deal with disapproval and failure

People who have a high self-esteem have a superior ability to cope with failure. On the flip side, those who have a low sense of self-worth will allow outer circumstances such as the decision of a hiring manager to control their lives and how they feel about themselves.

It’s not always about you – that’s unrealistic thinking. On the contrary, as an executive recruitment specialist, I can tell you that interviewing rejection can spawn from dozens of other variables. Just because you take something personally, doesn’t mean you’re correct. Insecurity often distorts reality.

3. Think in action oriented terms

When people who have a high self-esteem run into hurdles, they don’t waste time prostrating and they keep at the job until it is finished.

For instance, instead of worrying about how a resume is not up to snuff, take action and make it better. Don’t stop until the job is done. People with a high self-esteem don’t make excuses and remain resilient consistently setting goals for themselves.

4. Stop worrying

Worrying about your job search is counterproductive and will magnify your insecurity. Worrying leads to stress, anxiety and panic which carries over to your interviews.

Even though the majority of the things that job seekers worry about never happen, they find themselves utter victim to this thought process. The most effective remedy is to live in the moment. Let life unfold and begin to believe that there is more to life than fretting and “what-iffing.”

The right mindset will significantly boost your overall state of being and performance. When you think positively and believe in your abilities, you’ll recognize success.

Since low self-esteem can spiral out of control and seriously effect your ability to find the right position, it’s crucial to begin improving your self perception asap. Once this is successfully done, you can start to interview at the level you should and will find the right position in a more timely, constructive manner.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kensundheim/2013/10/30/raising-your-self-esteem-to-have-a-better-career/

How To Express Your Feelings In A Respectful Way

People often tell me that they have problems maintaining calm and respectful communication with their partner even though they intended to. They start out fine, but can’t follow through when their partner responds in disrespectful or angry ways. Some of these couples need the presence of an experienced couples therapist to be able to maintain calm and repair disruptions.

This article offers a communication model that outlines how to practice maintaining communication regarding how you feel in an honest and open way while keeping your calm. This is not about feeling good or even comfortable. This is about practicing staying calm even though you feel hurt and angry.

The rationale for this is having a fuller understanding of each other’s perspectives. Feeling angry doesn’t necessarily mean that you are bound to break up. It means that there is something you need to take care of.

If you manage to find solutions together, you will feel closer, safer, and understood on a deeper level. Imagine explaining to your partner that you are hurt and angry in a calm way. Also, imagine that your partner is able to hear you and respond in a loving way.

Because it is easier to express positive feelings and talk about what’s right in your relationship, I will recommend that you start with five positive statements about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. Build from the following, if you like:

What do you love about your partner?

What do you love about the relationship?

What is most important to you?

Give a concrete example of what makes you feel loved.

Give a concrete example of what you look forward to.

Expressing your love, appreciation, and willingness to stay connected and find solutions together is essential for your partner’s willingness to hear you out and consider your requests and proposed solutions to problems you are having.

Expressing feelings of frustration, anger, fear, and sadness is a lot harder and takes some consideration. If you are able to stay calm and collected while you talk about your feelings, your chances of staying on track are higher. If you avoid blaming your partner and instead talk about what you feel, think, and what is important to you and why, it is more likely that your partner will respond positively.

Try to make it easier for your partner to listen to you and refrain from interrupting you and subsequently defending herself/himself. Try to make your statements more about yourself than about your partner. This is probably one of the hardest things to do. Self-expression is about defining yourself and what is most important to you, which is not easy when you are feeling upset and hurt.

It is natural in a relationship to feel at times that the other person is to blame. However, if you consider the matter, you will become aware that you have a responsibility for your own responses and reactions, and how you function as a partner has an influence on the relationship. Your feelings are your own, and to blame others for them is not conductive for your individual or relationship growth.

Before you start expressing feelings of anger and hurt, I recommend that you think about what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. Consider the following:

What are your feelings? Do you feel angry, hurt, sad, scared, lonely, jealous, guilty, etc.?

Give concrete examples such as, “I feel scared when you don’t call.”

Focus more on what you feel, think, and want, not on your partner’s shortcomings. “I feel lonely and I miss what we used to do together.”

Tell your partner why it is important to you that you honestly and openly express your feelings. Make sure you explain that self-expression goes both ways, and that it takes courage to talk about feeling vulnerable. Showing vulnerabilities is a sign of strength, and talking openly and honestly about how you feel is not a weakness.

Be mindful of how you express yourself. Tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and eye contact are more important than most people think. Most of what you actually communicate to your partner has to do with how you communicate.

Be open and explicit about your intentions for having the conversation.

Make sure you are not having this conversation to get back at your partner. If you are very angry, you might feel vengeful. If that is the case, calm yourself and consider what is most important to you and what kind of partner you would like to be.

Don’t expect immediate success. Self-expression is a skill which takes practice to master. Ask for professional help if you need to.

http://grohhealthyliving.com/how-to-express-your-feelings-in-a-respectful-way/

Manage Your Expectations, Lower Your Stress

When my newly-married sister announced earlier this year that she was pregnant, she was excited -- and oddly quiet about it. She worried intensely and often (as I imagine most mothers do). She didn't like talking about it. What if something went wrong? She didn't want to jinx things her first time out.

That baby is now four months old and the happiest kid I've seen. He smiles easily and often, and my sister's fears were all for naught. But the fact is that her fearful imaginings made things harder and more stressful for her. Her expectation -- that something that could go wrong would, and that she wouldn't be able to handle it -- raised her stress levels considerably.

Your outlook is a product of your own relationship with expectation. What will or won't happen, no one knows. And how we deal with the stress of not knowing, whether to hope for the best or expect the worst, the idea that our expectations always directly affect an outcome is little more than magical thinking.

(If you're a control freak like me, you'll be well aware of how uncomfortable this makes you. Discover ways to curb that inner ogre.)

Your outlook, in the end, is a choice. Some optimists claim to be born with a sunny disposition, and yet they still get to choose how they anticipate and respond to the world around them -- which they have as little control over as a pessimist. The difference is that an optimist can always find something good about what happened.

A true dyed-in-the-wool pessimist, however, likely says he didn't choose that outlook -- the world has simply not proved to be worthy of more. Wrong. Pessimism is a choice, too. It's also a last-ditch effort at control. Because, if things go as wrong as you suspect, you can say, I knew it would happen. Show me a person ruled by pessimism and I'll show you a person who's afraid to get their hopes up.

Here are a few ways to shift your expectations -- and reduce your stress:

• Reframe stress itself. Jan Bruce, CEO of meQ, recently posted a blog about how framing stress as bad can make stress worse -- and so even your expectation of stress and its effects can take a toll (based on psychologist and researcher Kelly McGonigal's work on the subject). Rather than worry that stress is going to screw everything up, learn to see stress as an ally. Your stress response, after all, is your body's effort to cope with external risks and threats. When you can see it that way, and not as some outside enemy, you can reinterpret that stress as you rising to the occasion, rather than the world crashing down on you.
• Stop expecting people to agree with you. This comes from a great post ("7 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others") on inspirational writers Marc and Angel's blog. If you go into every day expecting that there should be universal acceptance of your ideas and thoughts, you set yourself up for disappointment:
  "You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. In fact, the more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less approval you need from everyone else."
• Stop expecting people to read your mind. At meQ, Mind Reading is one of the key Thinking Traps that get people stuck. It presumes a few things: One, that if someone really loved you, they would know, and second, that it's everyone else's job to anticipate your needs and wants. This creates stress -- not to mention tension in relationships. Speak up! Communicate precisely what you need and why before you get upset or annoyed. You can cut those emotional responses off at the pass, and change the nature of your day.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mequilibrium/managing-expectations_b_4086393.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living

What Is The Secret Of Success?

What is the secret of success? According to a new study by Talent Smart and published in Psychology Today, the secret of success in the workplace may be having a high emotional quotient (EQ). Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence “is the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one’s own feelings, as well as engage and navigate successfully with those of others.”

Their research showed that 90% of high performers in the workplace possess a high emotional quotient, while 80% of low performers have a low EQ.

There are many different tests (and whole books written) on the topic of emotional intelligence and how to determine your emotional quotient. Here’s a short one from the University of Washington. Of course, most of these tests are self-graded so there may be a bias if a person is unrealistic in their self-assessment.

According to the Psychology Today article, here are five ways to boost your emotional intelligence:

1. Improve the ability to deal with so-called “negative“ emotions. While the author of the article defines some emotions as negative, the reality is that most emotions can be constructive if we learn to express them in a helpful way. Learning to deal with anger, frustration, and other difficult emotions in a way that doesn’t overwhelm us or affect our judgement is critical to success. There are many ways to deal with difficult emotions, which include: writing them out, going for a brisk walk, waiting a while before sending out that angry e-mail, or spending time in nature. Of course, these are just a few. I’d love to hear from you about the ways you deal with difficult emotions.

2. Stay cool under pressure. Boosting the ability to remain calm under pressure is one way to handle stressful situations in an assertive, rather than a reactive, way. Simply breathing deeply and counting to ten prior to expressing anger can be helpful. Similar to number one, vigorous activity or spending some time in nature can also help us keep our cool.

3. Pay attention to social cues. People with a high EQ are generally more accurate in their interpretation of others’ emotional, verbal, and physical expressions. They also tend to be effective at communicating their intentions. The author suggests coming up with multiple interpretations of someone’s expressions or actions instead of jumping to conclusions about his or her behavior. And, avoid personalizing someone else’s behavior. Seek clarification about someone else’s intentions or feelings if you are uncertain.

4. Be assertive and express difficult emotions when necessary. Set boundaries. Say “no” if you really need to and don’t feel guilty about it. Avoid trying to be superwoman or superman, taking on every responsibility that someone throws at you. I’ve been asked on occasion why I seem to have a positive outlook on aging while so many people desperately try to look and act younger. My response is simple: I would never want to go back to being younger now that I’ve gained more confidence and a stronger sense of myself, along with the ability to say “no” and set clear boundaries, without feeling guilty.

5. Express intimate emotions in close relationships. Another key to success is building and maintaining strong intimate relationships and one of the best ways to do that is to learn to share emotions in a constructive way and respond positively when another person does so. Of course, knowing with whom to share these emotions is also imperative. Some emotions are best reserved for strong personal relationships, not just acquaintances. But finding ways to let someone know they are important, cared for, or loved is important to relationships but also our self-worth and our emotional quotient. As John Donne aptly wrote, “no man is an island.” Strong relationships give us a solid foundation from which to experience life.

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/the-secret-of-success.html

Becoming A Better Listener…To Yourself

There are many articles on how we can become better listeners to others. (I’m actually writing a short piece on this very topic.)

But I think it’s just as important to focus on listening to ourselves,actively listening to ourselves.

Just like we might not fully listen to someone else, we might not fully listen to ourselves, either. Which can chip away at our well-being, self-care and satisfaction.

Listening to ourselves helps us make decisions that are truly right for us. It helps us cultivate habits that are genuinely nourishing.

It helps us set emotional and physical boundaries, boundaries that are respectful and honor ourselves. It helps us respond to our needs and take better and kinder care of ourselves.

Here are six ideas for listening to yourself.

1. Practice a body scan. A body scan is a valuable and simple way to reconnect to your body. It helps you focus your attention on your body, pinpointing any tension and then releasing it. Here are several guided body scans to try. 
2. Set an alarm. Set an alarm on your phone to go off every hour. Ask yourself how you’re feeling. Are you tense? Are you tired? Are you hungry? Are you anxious or angry or hurt? Are you stressed? Are you distracted? Identify what you’re feeling or experiencing. Then ask yourself: What do I need right now?
3. Be present. It’s hard to listen to someone when your mind happens to be somewhere else. The same goes for listening to yourself. Be in the moment. Avoid ruminating about the past or trying to forecast the future. Avoid multitasking. Focus on the here and now. Use your five senses to absorb the moment. Give yourself your full attention.
4. Write it down. Jot down your concerns, thoughts and feelings. Simply start with: “What I want to tell myself is…” It might feel funny to have a conversation with yourself. But it’s also helpful to tune into your ruminations and emotions. Remind yourself that you’re listening. You are open. You’re ready to hear what’s really going on.
5. Keep digging. Truly listening to someone means not making assumptions. So one way to turn that around when thinking about yourself is to keep asking, “Why?” Don’t assume something at face value, even about yourself. Dig deeper. You might learn that the reason you think you’re upset isn’t the real reason after all. Which not only helps you better understand yourself, but also helps you move forward and take the right steps for you. So consider: Why am I feeling this way? Why am I behaving this way? Why do I want this? Keep asking “Why?” Keep digging deeper, and you just might make an important discovery.
6. Empathize. Putting yourself in another person’s shoes helps you better understand where they’re coming from. And doing so makes you a great listener. Practice showing that empathy to yourself. This probably sounds like a silly suggestion since you’re experiencing whatever it is firsthand. Of course, you fully understand the pain or pleasure. But often we don’t empathize with ourselves. Often we bash ourselves for feeling certain feelings, for not getting over a situation, for being too “weak.” We don’t give ourselves permission to feel our feelings. We don’t give ourselves permission to comprehend what’s going on. Have compassion for yourself. Have compassion for what you’re feeling and experiencing. 

How do you listen to yourself? What helps you really hear yourself?

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2013/09/becoming-a-better-listener-to-yourself/

Start Building A Healthy Self-Esteem Today

Building a healthy self esteem can do wonders for your life. The way you deal with people on a personal and professional level are all affected by how you perceive yourself. Having a low level of self confidence may greatly affect your life; you end up having a harder time performing at work, maintaining healthy relationships, and enjoying life.

Your perception of yourself will dictate how you live life as a whole. You may feel unable to confidently face problems and make sound decisions. You may also begin to notice that the people around you are also losing confidence in you and your skills; the way you perceive yourself will dictate how people will see you and interact with you. Yes, your self esteem means so much more than you realise.

Having a healthy concept of yourself must come from within you and not from what others say about you or your physical appearance. Self-confidence is learning how to appreciate and accept yourself as you are. If your self esteem is only dependent on how people see you and what they think about you, then your confidence will be short-lived. You will have self doubts the moment people start saying negative things about you. You need to learn how to be happy and proud of yourself, your achievements, and experiences even if others are not there to cheer you on. Once you learn to do this, then you will have a healthy self esteem no matter what the situation is.

You never know what life will throw at you, but you need to start building your self-confidence to face life's toughest challenges. You need the self-assurance to make sound decisions and navigate through life on your way to success.

Here are a few simple tips to help build your self-esteem:

• Recognise your strengths, talents, and abilities and empower yourself with them. Learn to accept your weaknesses without allowing them to pull you down into a spiral of depression. Instead, work on developing and improving yourself.
• Conquer self-defeating thoughts. Stay positive and fill your mind with good things about yourself, people, and the situation you are in. Even if things seem really bad right now, focus on how things could be better and the small steps you need to take to make that happen.
• Be honest to yourself and others. Don't try to put up an image of yourself that's not real; don't project someone you're not. Allow people to accept you for who you are and not someone you just created to please others. No one is perfect, even if sometimes they appear to be. Perceptions of people can be deceiving as you only ever see a fragment of the whole person.
• Take responsibility for your actions and decisions. Empower yourself to make important decisions about life and your future. Stop allowing others to dictate the course of your life. Think about what it is that you really want to achieve. Even if that means you need to do something that would normally make you feel a little selfish. Remember that it's your life, not theirs. Who will suffer if things go wrong because you let others run your life? In all likelihood, you will suffer the most. The people who keep trying to control your life won't be directly affected by what happens to you.

Building self confidence isn't something that can be done over night. You need to work on it every day and the best way to do that is one step at a time, the smaller steps the better.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/paul-bailey/self-esteem-building_b_2971836.html

Success Is A State Of Being

VERY often the benchmark of ­success is wealth. Everyone is judged by the external signs of wealth.

People pass ­disparaging remarks about those who are doing service or providing for others but are not wealthy and do not display the signs of wealth.

http://tiny.cc/58zgyw

If people identify more with their external conditions or roles, they will inevitably feel inferior or superior to others and so lack self respect.

The ways in which society works often blinds an ­individual from realising his/her own ­self-worth. For example, society sometimes gives ­acknowledge-ment only to those who are wealthy or occupy a position of authority. In reality, every individual has the right to know that worth is inherent in every human ­being.

Self worth can help ­individuals avoid feelings of inferiority or superiority. The middle path is a dignified way of life.

Success is not a material thing. It is a state of being. We might call it contentment, ­happiness or even peace.

How do you define success? It is the completion of a task, another job well done, an exam passed, a promise kept, or a mountain climbed.

Whatever we believe success to be will have a profound ­influence on our lives.

http://www.thesundaily.my/news/738039

Impact Of Self-Concept And Self-Esteem On Life

The idea or concept one has about the self is related to one's self-esteem and one's outlook on the future.

The self-concept is a set of personal beliefs a person has about who they are as an individual. These include salient personal characteristics as well as ethnic or professional awareness and any other desires or future goals that resonate strongly within the individual.


The Effects of Self-Esteem on the Self and on Mental Health
In order to have a healthy and balanced self-concept, one needs to have positive self-esteem. Self-esteem does not only include one’s characteristics, strengths and flaws, but it makes a judgment on each of those by putting value on them. It is an evaluation one makes of oneself.

People with high self-esteem have not only a clear sense of their personal qualities, but also value them in a positive manner and use self-enhancing strategies; they think well of themselves, set appropriate goals about the future and feel confident about coping with different and difficult situations.

Low self-esteem may contribute to having unrealistic goals or shying away from potential opportunities due to a negative image of the self. They also tend to be pessimistic about the future, be oversensitive to criticism and any kind of negative feedback. In addition, they are also concerned about the social impression and impact they make and have upon others.


Theories about the Development of the Self
According to Erik Erikson, the self is developed through what he calls the stage theory of ego development. Forming an identity does not happen overnight, but it is rather a lifelong task, which passes through a critical phase during adolescence and young adulthood. After acquiring and forming a firm and clear sense of identity, the young adult can make plans about the future with a consistent sense of self and a belief in his or her personal skills and abilities.

Nonetheless, it is important to note that the sense of self does not start during adolescence but has its first stage in infancy with the recognition that one is a separate individual. Even very young children develop conceptions of their personal qualities and have their own equivalent self-concept and a notion of self-esteem. In fact, there is a possibility for changes of the self-concept during middle or late adulthood that may drastically challenge and adjust beliefs about who one is.

The definition and development of the self implies both personal beliefs as well as social influences. It is a continuous procedure that starts in infancy and is moderated and shaped throughout life in a dynamic fashion. Various events or experiences at any time may alter the concepts one has about the self.

Sources:
Taylor, Peplau & Sears. Social Psychology. Prentice Hall: New Jersey, 2000.

http://suite101.com/article/impact-of-selfconcept-and-selfesteem-on-life-a125628