3 Simple Ways To Get Heard - Even By Your Boss

During a planning session I conducted a couple of months ago with the senior team of a client company, I was asking the larger senior group for feedback on some agreements that had been made the day before by the smaller exec team. One of the senior leaders ventured a disagreement. She made an important point – but expressed it in such a confrontational and unclear way that the whole group immediately rejected it and started defending against it. I untangled the situation (one benefit of having a neutral third party in the room), and the point was eventually understood and incorporated, but it made me think about how the person could have framed it differently to get better results. Because if I, or someone like me, hadn’t been there, this executive’s approach almost assured that her point would have been lost in the flurry of negative reaction to her delivery.

I’ve seen this often: someone makes a key point, but his or her way of conveying it is so emotionally charged, or so extreme, or so laden with I’m-right-and-you’re-wrong overtones, that it’s nearly impossible for other people to hear the actual content of what’s being said.

If this has ever happened to you, or to people who work for you, and you’ve been frustrated about how to change the dynamic, here are three simple ways to help make sure a message gets heard:

1. Avoid using “always” and “never.” 

Even if you think it’s true. When I talked to this executive after the fact, she insisted that her use of the word “never” was justified…but even if that were true, it wouldn’t have mattered – unless it was more important to her to be technically accurate than to get heard. If you tell people that they “never” or “always” do “X”, they will reject your contention out of hand. Their immediate thought will be something like, “Come on, that’s just not true…I can think of at least two times when I have/haven’t done X.” And they’ll 100% forget the actual point you were trying to make. I believe that when we use these words, it’s often because we think it will help make our point more strongly – but trust me, it will backfire.

2. Make requests vs. complaints. 

Complaints say what’s not working; requests ask for a specific improvement. Simply put, a complaint sounds like,“You’re doing X wrong.” A request sounds like, “Could you do Y instead of X?” Complaints make people feel instantly defensive, and their energy then goes toward convincing you that their approach/actions/thinking are right, instead of toward considering your point of view. Requests, though, tend to be received as respectful and collaborative – creating much more room for actual hearing of your point. Here’s an example: imagine someone says to you, “Your people just don’t give us the information we need!” How might you react? Imagine, instead, that person says, “We’d really appreciate getting that information every Friday.” I suspect you’d be much more amenable to changing your behavior after the second sentence.

3. Lead with agreement.

If someone else states his or her point of view, and the first thing you do is disagree or take exception, the other person is likely to respond as though battle lines have been drawn: you on one side, him or her on the other. The two of you will almost certainly settle into defending your points of view, rather than trying to come to a workable middle ground. Even if you later say what you like or agree with about what they’ve said, it tends to be too late to repair the initial adversarial impression.

If, on the other hand, your response begins with something you sincerely like, find appealing, or concur with about the other person’s point of view, whatever you have to say after that (even a disagreement) is much more likely to be heard. Starting by focusing on the areas of agreement helps the other person see you as a supportive and collaborative partner, and will make it much more likely that he or she will be open to your subsequent concerns and suggestions.

A big part of having influence in any environment depends upon creating openness to your point of view. Using any of these approaches can help ensure that your ideas and insights get the hearing they deserve.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikaandersen/2013/12/10/3-simple-ways-to-get-heard-even-by-your-boss/

9 Promises To Bring You Happiness - By John Wooden

1. Promise yourself that you will talk health, happiness and prosperity as often as possible.
2. Promise yourself to make all your friends know that there is something in them that is special and that you value.
3. Promise yourself to think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best in yourself and others.
4. Promise to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are of your own.
5. Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
6. Promise to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements in the future.
7. Promise to wear a cheerful appearance at all times and give every person you meet a smile.
8. Promise to give as much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
9. Promise to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit trouble to press on you.

http://www.ginaparris.com/9-promises-to-bring-you-happiness/

The 6 Weight-Loss Tips That Science Actually Knows Work

When it comes down to it, the things we know to be true about weight loss are relatively simple, and certainly few. They’re also extremely effective when actually carried out. So, from the researchers who have studied this stuff for decades, here’s pretty much everything we know about weight loss today, whittled down to six points about how the body actually gains, loses, and maintains its weight.


1. Dieting trumps exercising
We hear a lot that a little exercise is the key to weight loss – that taking the stairs instead of the elevator will make a difference, for instance. But in fact it’s much more efficient to cut calories, says Samuel Klein, MD at Washington University’s School of Medicine. “Decreasing food intake is much more effective than increasing physical activity to achieve weight loss. If you want to achieve a 300 kcal energy deficit you can run in the park for 3 miles or not eat 2 ounces of potato chips.” It’s as simple as that. Of course, both together would be even better.

The problem is that when you rely on exercise alone, it often backfires, for a couple of reasons. This is partly because of exercise’s effects on the hunger and appetite hormones, which make you feel noticeably hungrier after exercise.

The other problem with exercise-without-dieting is that it’s simply tiring, and again, the body will compensate. Some of the calories we burn come from our basic movements throughout the day – so if you’re wiped out after exercise, and more likely to sit on the couch afterwards, you’ve lost the energy deficit you gained from your jog.


2. Exercise can help fix a “broken” metabolism, especially during maintenanceWhile exercise may not be as important for weigh loss as calorie restriction, it’s important in another way: It begins to repair a broken metabolism. Within a couple of days of non-activity, the metabolism becomes inflexible. You start moving again, and it does start to change.” Your metabolism may not ever go back to “normal” (more on this below), but theevidence indicates that it can indeed pick up again, in large part through moving your body every day.

This is a large part of why exercise is critical in the maintenance phase, which is well known to be more difficult than the weight loss phase. We think it’s partly because in the extra calories burned from physical activity, you have a bit more flexibility in food intake, so you’re not so much relying on ridged changes in eating habits; it makes it more tolerable.”


3. You’re going to have to work harder than other people – possibly forever
Though exercise can help correct a metabolism that’s been out of whack for a long time, the grisly reality is that it may not ever go back to what it was before gained weight. So if you’ve been overweight or obese and you lose weight, maintaining that loss means you’re probably going to have to work harder than other people, maybe for good. Building muscle can help your body burn a few more calories throughout the day, but it’s also likely that you’ll have to work harder aerobically in the long run.


4. There’s no magical combination of foods
There are low-fat diets, low-carb diets, low glycemic diets, Paleo diets, and a lot of iterations of all of these. There doesn’t seem to be any “right” diet, and there doesn’t seem to be any evidence that one particular diet will work better with an individual’s specific metabolism. We know pretty much that any diet will help you lose weight if you follow it. There’s no magic diet. The truth is that ALL Diets will work if you follow them.”


5. A calorie IS a calorie!
And for energy balance, it’s the number of calories that matters. You can gain weight eating too much healthy food as well as unhealthy. From the standpoint of health, it’s better to eat your veggies…. It’s just a lot easier to overeat calories from junk food than healthy food. But the source of calories obviously matters for other reasons. First of all, no one overeats veggies, so on a practical level, that’s a non-issue. In fact, the food industry has carved out a whole new area of food science to study the “bliss point,” in which foods are created to increase the amount it takes to feel satiated and full.

It’s true that types of foods you eat may, over time, affect your metabolic profile, so they may also matter in this way, but when it boils down, sticking to any reduced-calorie diet will create the energy deficit needed to lose weight.


6. It’s all about the brain As my colleagues have reported, it’s not the body or the metabolism that are actually creating overweight or obesity – it’s the brain. We all know intuitively that poor decisions are what make you gain weight and better ones are what make you lose it. The problem is that over time, the poor decisions lead to significant changes in how the brain governs – and, amazingly, responds to – the hunger and satiation processes. 

While there may be some degree of “damage” to the brain, particularly in how hunger and satiety hormones function, it can correct itself to a large degree over time. The key is that the process does take time, and like any other behavior change, is ultimately a practice.


So boiling it down even further: reduce calories, eat better, exercise, and most of all, remember it is a practice that has to be repeated over time – months or years. The fact that you’ll have to work harder at maintenance than your never-overweight best friend is depressing, but it’s worth coming to terms with. And, most important to remember, your brain (the organ behind all this, after all) is plastic, and it will respond to the changes you make – better than you think. And so will your body.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2013/09/04/the-6-weight-loss-tips-that-science-actually-knows-work/

The Only Career Question You'll Ever Need To Ask

In our work lives, we are constantly asking questions, evaluating our options, and making decisions. This swirl of considerations can be overwhelming at times, and with so many questions to ask it can be hard to know which is more important. The most important career question you’ll ever ask is only three letters long, but packs one heck of a punch. The question is…why? It’s such an important question; I recommend you ask it five times over any time you’re making any major decision at work or in life.

I learned the “5 Whys” tool from Martha Beck, a coaching mentor of mine. Here’s how it works. You identify a stressful thought or an action related to your career or business (e.g., I should quit my job), and then you drill down the rationale behind that thought by asking why five times, going deeper each time.

I use this exercise to help my clients get a better understanding of their thought processes – to determine whether the thought is true, or is simply misguided. You start with a thought or inclination, and with each why you drill down closer to the motivating assumption.

Let’s try:

I should apply for a promotion. 

Why? Because other people are going to apply. Why does that matter? Because I don’t want someone else to get it over me. Why? Because I don’t want to be in a lower position. Why? I don’t want to have no power. Why? I’m afraid I’ll be taken advantage of.


Aha! You’ve uncovered some valuable information. This appears to be a fear-based decision.

It could also go like this:

I should apply for a promotion. 

Why? It’s the perfect job for me! Why? I’d love that job. Why? I’m good at all of those things. Why? I have experience with those activities. Why? I’ve volunteered for those types of projects before.

You can see that the motivating thoughts in these two examples are quite different. Let’s try another common one:

My business needs more social media presence. 

Why? Everyone else is on Twitter. Why does that matter? A business needs to be on Twitter to be successful. Why? Because that’s where the customers are. Why? Because they’re interacting with other people. Why? Because it’s fun and social.

You get the gist. In this example, the person’s thinking might be correct or misguided, depending on the type of business, target market, and marketing strategy. If you operate a dry cleaning business, for example, something like Twitter may be far less relevant than for someone whose services – say, outdoor adventure travel – translate well to social engagement. The point is to dig down to where the seed of your thought is planted and evaluate it.

Note that in both of the above examples, the word should or need is present. Pay close attention to any business or career decision that is driven by a forced or constraining undertone. In the coaching community, we call these types of thoughts “shackles on” – thoughts that feel restrictive and binding. Are you simply trying to keep up with the Jones’, or are you making a well-thought-out decision for your business? The former suggests a panicked and potentially irrational decision, while the latter is more likely to be a good choice.

Doing anything that feels “shackles on,” without being in line with your company’s strategy and values, is a shouldy way of thinking (say it out loud). Steer clear of this type of decision-making. Asking why five times over is especially helpful for sorting out anxiety-inducing thoughts, and it works just as well for personal decisions as it does for professional ones. Try this exercise when you’re struggling with any decision that stresses you out. Better yet, have a colleague or friend take you through it so you can answer aloud. You’ll be able to peg your rationale as either wise or misguided the moment it leaves your lips.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/85broads/2013/08/19/the-only-career-question-youll-ever-need-to-ask/

4 Ways To Boost Your Willpower

Willpower is essential to the accomplishment of anything worthwhile ~Brian Tracy 

Usually when people hear the word “willpower,” they think about things like losing weight or quitting smoking. 

Willpower is certainly helpful when it comes to trying to break those bad habits, but it can also be very beneficial in other areas of your life as well. Willpower is something we are not born with, but must nurture and build up in ourselves. Once you learn to strengthen your willpower, it will give you a leg-up in achieving your goals. How? Because you will then be able to develop an unshakable focus and intensity in purpose! 

So how do you go about building your willpower? 

1. Commit! 

You must be completely and thoroughly committed to reaching your goals. If you are not absolutely committed to what you want to accomplish, there is no way that you will be able to develop sustaining willpower. It is very difficult to be successful in achieving your goals if you harbor second thoughts, excuses, or doubts. Be absolutely honest with yourself and find that “thing” that you truly want to see through until the end. Also keep in mind that simply having the desire to succeed at something does not guarantee accomplishment or success. It is entirely possible for you to desire many things without making a firm commitment. So, you need to be able to figure out that you really want and then plan to take the appropriate actions. 

2. Call on your inner strength. 

Building your willpower takes perseverance. This is a time for you to call upon your inner strength, you know, that extra push you need to get through the tough times. You have made the commitment to take a journey to strengthen your willpower and accomplish your most challenging goals. Great! The truth is, you will have many days of success, but there will also be those days that don’t feel as triumphant. It is on those not-so-good days that you will need to call upon your inner strength to help you get back on track. Every person has an inner strength and most have used it on more than one occasion. Trust in it, and in yourself, and it will get you through your rough spots. 

3. Get support. 

Building your willpower to achieve a goal is a great undertaking. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming. This is why it is so vitally important that you have good support in place during the journey. Share with a friend, significant other, or parent what you are trying to accomplish. In this way, when you hit a stumbling block, you will have someone who you have entrusted to help get you back on the right track. Your support system will help you through the hard times and will celebrate your successes with you. 

4. Consistency counts. 

If you have the willpower, for instance, to stop smoking for one week, that’s great and should indeed be celebrated. But the only way you are going to build your willpower up is to do whatever it takes to avoid a cigarettes today, again tomorrow, and forever. Then soon enough you will be celebrating two weeks, two months, two years, and then forever! 

This strategy applies to any goal that you are seriously devoted to accomplish. You must be willing to keep up the positive behavior all day, each and every day, no exceptions, and no excuses. 

Willpower can be a tricky thing. Everybody wants to develop it in order to break a bad habit or reach a particular goal. But in order to do so, you must be willing to go that extra mile and fully commit yourself to your success.

If you are committed, you are to be commended! As you achieve your goals, remember to celebrate your successes each and every day. 

What are you working on?

http://www.business2community.com/strategy/4-ways-to-boost-your-willpower-0583915?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=4-ways-to-boost-your-willpower

Clarity Leads to Achievement

I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacation with better care than they do their lives. Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change. 

Without specific goals, there will be no sustainable passion, purpose, or drive in your life. If your goals are too vague, you will find that it is much more difficult to reach your desired and intended results than if you had taken the time to properly prepare in the first place. 

Plan your goals 

You know the drill. Plan your work and work your plan. The planning phase of getting from here to “there,” moving from point A to point B, is the most important stage when it comes to achieving your goals. Planning might be easy or hard for you, but one thing is for sure, and that is without planning the end goal may not even come into existence at all. While it is important that you set up your own system, one that works well for you, there are some simple goal setting strategies you can use to make your planning easier. 

Getting clarity 

1. What do you want? Decide what specifically wish to achieve. Whether your goal is lofty or small, decide exactly what it is that you want. If you want money, how much? If you want to lose weight, how many pounds? If you want success, how do you describe your vision of success? How do you define success for yourself? Don’t be afraid to take your time to figure out what you want. At some point you will need to sift through all of your thoughts and take specific action, but be as sure as you can that you are acting on what is truly important to you! 

2. Specify. The details matter. Be very detailed as you develop each part of your goal. Instead of a goal like “I want to be better at sports,” consider a goal like “I want to perform exceptionally well during spring tryouts so that I can become an all-star point guard for my high school basketball team.” Just being “better” at sports is way too vague. There are just too many options and roads to take that your mind will not be able to focus on any one route to reach your goal. 

3. You know what’s next… Write it down. Write down your all of your ideas and decisions. It does not matter if you use pencil and paper, a computer, or even your cell phone. What is important is that you are able to keep track of a large amount of specific information instead of trying to remember everything. After all, your goals only feel real when you can see them clearly in front of you. 

4. Baby steps. Break your goal down into smaller do-able pieces. If you have a lofty goal, it will be immensely more manageable if you break it down into smaller increments. Smaller pieces will make your goal seem less complex. Plus, it will be easier for you to achieve your ultimate goal if everything is set out for you as mini-goals, instead of just one huge, seemingly insurmountable feat. 

5. Rinse and repeat. Repeat the process. Once you have found a good system, meaning, one that works for you, it is then time to repeat the process. Clarify each of the other goals that you would like to achieve. For example, if you would ideally like to “spend more time with your family,” which is waaaaay too vague, make a list of specific family activities you would like to do together, and then work out the details of how you can make those goals a reality. 

Someday is NOT a day of the week! 

One of the biggest reasons that people tend to keep their goals vague is that they are actually afraid of achieving them. It’s true! After all, it really is a whole lot easier and simpler to keep putting off your goals and do nothing, than it is to take specific action to achieve it. 

But then you need to ask yourself, what good is a goal that merely resides on paper or in your head? Once you have decided on a clear and specific goal, it is time to take swift action to make it a reality. 

Do NOT wait for someday to achieve your goals. 

There’s no time like the present… so let’s do this! 

Thoughts?

http://www.business2community.com/health-wellness/clarity-leads-to-achievement-0579953

One Single Tip For Leadership Success

There are too many lists of tips for success in one endeavor or another that begin with a number larger than “1.” 

Today’s list is a single tip for leadership success. I don’t mean to mislead anyone–doing this one thing will not bring complete leadership success. What I am saying is it is an important enough practice that it deserves undivided attention, unencumbered by 4, 9, or 49 other tips that would distract you from remembering this one practice of truly great leaders. Here is the story of how I came to learn and appreciate this tip, for which I take no credit since I got it from someone else and proceeded to ignore it for most of my career.

Blaine Lee, now deceased, was a business consultant and author who worked with Stephen R. Covey. You’ve heard of Covey, of course, but probably not Lee. He wasn’t the most high profile member of Covey’s team. Far from prolific, he wrote only wrote one book, The Power Principle.

In 1994 I became friends with one of Lee’s sons. When, during a casual chat, I asked his son what his father did for a living, he responded “He works with businesses.” Until Lee’s book was published in 1998 that’s all I knew about my friend’s father. It was then realized my friend had been excessively humble about his father’s professional accomplishments. I bought the book and read it. It’s been 15 years, and while I don’t remember much else from the book I remember this one bit of advice for those wanting to have power or influence with others–make yourself accessible. That one point stuck in my head and has come back to me almost every single day since I started my business in 1999.

The reason I have been so constantly reminded of this point is because of how hard I have tried to ignore it. Like Poe’s tell tale heart, my attempts to make myself inaccessible have struck at my conscience, stabbing me with guilt each time I looked at a phone ringing and didn’t pick it up, marked an email for follow up, knowing I would never look at it again, or refused to engage people on Twitter. Whenever I avoided people instead of communicating with them, Blaine Lee would appear in my mind wagging his finger at me, telling me that as long as I refused to make myself accessible to people I was choosing to minimize my power and influence.

I had good reasons. When I started my business I was still a college student and newly married, so I was busy. I didn’t have time to answer every email. Most phone calls were from sales people trying to sell me things I didn’t want. The truth was I was avoiding issues I didn’t want to deal with and interpersonal situations where I would have felt uncomfortable. On my voicemail I invited people to send me an email, and then I never answered the phone. “If it’s important they can leave a voicemail or email me,” I would tell my wife when my cell phone rang. Then I would ignore half the emails I got as well, reading them quickly and marking them for follow up. Then they would get pushed below the fold and they were gone forever.

It shouldn’t be hard to see how this habit was damaging to my business. Over the years I saw relationships with clients, partners, and employees deteriorate due to a lack of communication. It culminated in early 2007 when I was forced to let all my employees go and shut down my office. For me that was my rock bottom. Granted, making myself inaccessible wasn’t the only reason my business was failing, but it was a big part of it.

For the next few years I retreated to a home office where I worked alone trying to pay off business debts and get my head around how to fix my business. I cut myself off more than ever and turned inward, focusing on myself. In some ways this was the right behavior at the time–I needed to sort myself out and get things under control. But in terms of being any sort of leader or serving others, it was a low point.

Thankfully I went through this in my early 30’s rather than my late 60’s. By the end of 2010 I had turned my life around, turned my business around, and was ready to try again. And instead of seeing Lee’s admonition to make myself accessible as a source of guilt, I now saw it as an opportunity.

In early 2011 I started inviting business associates and friends to lunch for no other reason than to chat. These interactions were not only personally rewarding, but led to many educational and profitable business experiences. Things continued to improve through 2011 and 2012 but it wasn’t until this year, 2013, that I became a true believe in the wisdom of Lee’s advice. Even until a few months ago I was still holding back, believing that if I made myself too accessible I would become overloaded and that people would take advantage of me. That all changed when I went through the life change of moving to Hong Kong where I’m opening a branch office of my business, and when read this article wherein I got a small piece of advice from Guy Kawasaki–default to “yes.”

Default to “yes?” It sounded crazy at first, but Kawasaki says “I’ve learned that the upside far exceeds the downside risk of being used.” I know Kawasaki lives what he preaches because while he doesn’t know me from any guy on the street, I’ve emailed him and received personal, non-automated responses. I decided to put his words and those of Lee to the test. Since coming to Hong Kong I’ve embraced making myself accessible and defaulting to “yes.” I’m not perfect at either, but I answer the phone a lot more. I return calls. I stay on top of email as best I can. I’ve even become active on Twitter. When people ask for assistance, I default to “yes” for the most part. Far from finding myself overloaded or being taken advantage of, the benefits have outweighed the negatives by a margin of 100 to 1.

If Lee were alive today I’d thank him for that one piece of advice. I’ve seen the downside of ignoring it, and the upside of applying it. I’m a believer now, and I’m not going back.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/joshsteimle/2013/08/09/one-single-tip-for-leadership-success/