9 Promises To Bring You Happiness - By John Wooden

1. Promise yourself that you will talk health, happiness and prosperity as often as possible.
2. Promise yourself to make all your friends know that there is something in them that is special and that you value.
3. Promise yourself to think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best in yourself and others.
4. Promise to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are of your own.
5. Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
6. Promise to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements in the future.
7. Promise to wear a cheerful appearance at all times and give every person you meet a smile.
8. Promise to give as much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
9. Promise to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit trouble to press on you.

http://www.ginaparris.com/9-promises-to-bring-you-happiness/

7 Pieces of Fitness Advice We Actually Want to Follow

There are a lot of voices shouting fitness tips from the rooftops, but not a lot of it is advice that we actually want to follow. Take, for example, the popular slogan among some fitness fanatics that says, "Unless you puke, faint, or die, keep going." If one more person tries to tell us we just have to run a marathon or try their favorite CrossFit box or take up barre classes, maybe we will just puke, faint, or die.
And while fitness (and diet, nutrition, sleep—heck, health, for that matter) is incredibly personal, and definitely not "one-size-fits-all," there are some pieces of advice that really might work for most of us (and certainly won't result in blood loss). Here are seven recommendations we find pretty easy to accept.

1. Just Do 20 Minutes
You don't have to be a marathon runner—and thank goodness. Just 20 minutes of daily activity, while not as effective as 40 minutes of exercise, has been shown to lower body weight and fat, increase fitness, and lower potential markers for type 2 diabetes risk.

2. Take Days Off
We're not saying slack off, but... yeah, okay, every once in a while, slack off! There are very good—and very scientific—reasons to take time off from training. Over-exercising can mess with everything from your muscles and joints to your menstrual and sleep cycles. Not to mention you could end up totally burnt out, seriously injured, or frustratingly stalled in your weight-loss efforts.

3. Find A Workout You Love
We repeat: You don't have to be a marathon runner! If there's one surefire way to continue dreading exercise, it's to force yourself to be active in a way that you don't enjoy. If you hate running or swimming or barre class or yoga, stop doing it! Shoparound until you find something you truly enjoy, whether it's CrossFit or Zumba or Pilates or softball or gardening, and then make it a habit.

4. Stop Doing Crunches
Let's settle this one once and for all: Crunches are not the path to six-pack abs. Research shows that we cannot spot reduce fat in the precise areas we'd like to (in this case, the stomach), no matter how many thousands of crunches we do. Not to mention, crunches are unnecessarily taxing on the spine. That doesn't mean ignore your abs: Core strength is essential to balance, stability, and power in your arms and legs. Just try something safer and more efficient, like a plank

5. Caffeinate
If you've been torn by debates over the health effects of caffeine, consider this: That jolt can give your stamina and endurance a boost, "making a long run or ride feel easier," sports dietitian Molly Kimball told SHAPE in an earlier post. Whether you prefer coffee or tea is up to you. Just go easy on the sweeteners, as sugar may negate the pick-me-up from the caffeine.

6. Sleep InIt's a classic conundrum: Both exercise and sleep are crucial, but if you get a lousy night's rest, do you still get up for that a.m. workout you had planned? Research is on our (sleepy) side here: Skimping on sleep to exercise may actually put your health at risk. "If you're short on sleep, you experience higher levels of inflammation and a decrease in the hormones that help you lose fat and stabilize your appetite," Ben Greenfield told HuffPost in February.

Plus, we know from daylight saving time research that losing just one hour of sleep increases your likelihood of dangerous side effects like car accidents, heart attacks, and workplace injuries. Permission granted to stay under the covers and feel good about it

7. Drink Chocolate MilkWe couldn't help but rejoice when we first heard the news that chocolate milk is a pretty solid combination of the carbs and protein your body needs while recovering from a workout. The sweet sip was long maligned for being high in sugar and fat, but recent research gives us permission to feel like a kid again. (In moderation, of course!)

http://www.shape.com/fitness/workouts/7-pieces-fitness-advice-we-actually-want-follow

What Is The Secret Of Success?

What is the secret of success? According to a new study by Talent Smart and published in Psychology Today, the secret of success in the workplace may be having a high emotional quotient (EQ). Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence “is the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one’s own feelings, as well as engage and navigate successfully with those of others.”

Their research showed that 90% of high performers in the workplace possess a high emotional quotient, while 80% of low performers have a low EQ.

There are many different tests (and whole books written) on the topic of emotional intelligence and how to determine your emotional quotient. Here’s a short one from the University of Washington. Of course, most of these tests are self-graded so there may be a bias if a person is unrealistic in their self-assessment.

According to the Psychology Today article, here are five ways to boost your emotional intelligence:

1. Improve the ability to deal with so-called “negative“ emotions. While the author of the article defines some emotions as negative, the reality is that most emotions can be constructive if we learn to express them in a helpful way. Learning to deal with anger, frustration, and other difficult emotions in a way that doesn’t overwhelm us or affect our judgement is critical to success. There are many ways to deal with difficult emotions, which include: writing them out, going for a brisk walk, waiting a while before sending out that angry e-mail, or spending time in nature. Of course, these are just a few. I’d love to hear from you about the ways you deal with difficult emotions.

2. Stay cool under pressure. Boosting the ability to remain calm under pressure is one way to handle stressful situations in an assertive, rather than a reactive, way. Simply breathing deeply and counting to ten prior to expressing anger can be helpful. Similar to number one, vigorous activity or spending some time in nature can also help us keep our cool.

3. Pay attention to social cues. People with a high EQ are generally more accurate in their interpretation of others’ emotional, verbal, and physical expressions. They also tend to be effective at communicating their intentions. The author suggests coming up with multiple interpretations of someone’s expressions or actions instead of jumping to conclusions about his or her behavior. And, avoid personalizing someone else’s behavior. Seek clarification about someone else’s intentions or feelings if you are uncertain.

4. Be assertive and express difficult emotions when necessary. Set boundaries. Say “no” if you really need to and don’t feel guilty about it. Avoid trying to be superwoman or superman, taking on every responsibility that someone throws at you. I’ve been asked on occasion why I seem to have a positive outlook on aging while so many people desperately try to look and act younger. My response is simple: I would never want to go back to being younger now that I’ve gained more confidence and a stronger sense of myself, along with the ability to say “no” and set clear boundaries, without feeling guilty.

5. Express intimate emotions in close relationships. Another key to success is building and maintaining strong intimate relationships and one of the best ways to do that is to learn to share emotions in a constructive way and respond positively when another person does so. Of course, knowing with whom to share these emotions is also imperative. Some emotions are best reserved for strong personal relationships, not just acquaintances. But finding ways to let someone know they are important, cared for, or loved is important to relationships but also our self-worth and our emotional quotient. As John Donne aptly wrote, “no man is an island.” Strong relationships give us a solid foundation from which to experience life.

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/the-secret-of-success.html

The 6 Weight-Loss Tips That Science Actually Knows Work

When it comes down to it, the things we know to be true about weight loss are relatively simple, and certainly few. They’re also extremely effective when actually carried out. So, from the researchers who have studied this stuff for decades, here’s pretty much everything we know about weight loss today, whittled down to six points about how the body actually gains, loses, and maintains its weight.


1. Dieting trumps exercising
We hear a lot that a little exercise is the key to weight loss – that taking the stairs instead of the elevator will make a difference, for instance. But in fact it’s much more efficient to cut calories, says Samuel Klein, MD at Washington University’s School of Medicine. “Decreasing food intake is much more effective than increasing physical activity to achieve weight loss. If you want to achieve a 300 kcal energy deficit you can run in the park for 3 miles or not eat 2 ounces of potato chips.” It’s as simple as that. Of course, both together would be even better.

The problem is that when you rely on exercise alone, it often backfires, for a couple of reasons. This is partly because of exercise’s effects on the hunger and appetite hormones, which make you feel noticeably hungrier after exercise.

The other problem with exercise-without-dieting is that it’s simply tiring, and again, the body will compensate. Some of the calories we burn come from our basic movements throughout the day – so if you’re wiped out after exercise, and more likely to sit on the couch afterwards, you’ve lost the energy deficit you gained from your jog.


2. Exercise can help fix a “broken” metabolism, especially during maintenanceWhile exercise may not be as important for weigh loss as calorie restriction, it’s important in another way: It begins to repair a broken metabolism. Within a couple of days of non-activity, the metabolism becomes inflexible. You start moving again, and it does start to change.” Your metabolism may not ever go back to “normal” (more on this below), but theevidence indicates that it can indeed pick up again, in large part through moving your body every day.

This is a large part of why exercise is critical in the maintenance phase, which is well known to be more difficult than the weight loss phase. We think it’s partly because in the extra calories burned from physical activity, you have a bit more flexibility in food intake, so you’re not so much relying on ridged changes in eating habits; it makes it more tolerable.”


3. You’re going to have to work harder than other people – possibly forever
Though exercise can help correct a metabolism that’s been out of whack for a long time, the grisly reality is that it may not ever go back to what it was before gained weight. So if you’ve been overweight or obese and you lose weight, maintaining that loss means you’re probably going to have to work harder than other people, maybe for good. Building muscle can help your body burn a few more calories throughout the day, but it’s also likely that you’ll have to work harder aerobically in the long run.


4. There’s no magical combination of foods
There are low-fat diets, low-carb diets, low glycemic diets, Paleo diets, and a lot of iterations of all of these. There doesn’t seem to be any “right” diet, and there doesn’t seem to be any evidence that one particular diet will work better with an individual’s specific metabolism. We know pretty much that any diet will help you lose weight if you follow it. There’s no magic diet. The truth is that ALL Diets will work if you follow them.”


5. A calorie IS a calorie!
And for energy balance, it’s the number of calories that matters. You can gain weight eating too much healthy food as well as unhealthy. From the standpoint of health, it’s better to eat your veggies…. It’s just a lot easier to overeat calories from junk food than healthy food. But the source of calories obviously matters for other reasons. First of all, no one overeats veggies, so on a practical level, that’s a non-issue. In fact, the food industry has carved out a whole new area of food science to study the “bliss point,” in which foods are created to increase the amount it takes to feel satiated and full.

It’s true that types of foods you eat may, over time, affect your metabolic profile, so they may also matter in this way, but when it boils down, sticking to any reduced-calorie diet will create the energy deficit needed to lose weight.


6. It’s all about the brain As my colleagues have reported, it’s not the body or the metabolism that are actually creating overweight or obesity – it’s the brain. We all know intuitively that poor decisions are what make you gain weight and better ones are what make you lose it. The problem is that over time, the poor decisions lead to significant changes in how the brain governs – and, amazingly, responds to – the hunger and satiation processes. 

While there may be some degree of “damage” to the brain, particularly in how hunger and satiety hormones function, it can correct itself to a large degree over time. The key is that the process does take time, and like any other behavior change, is ultimately a practice.


So boiling it down even further: reduce calories, eat better, exercise, and most of all, remember it is a practice that has to be repeated over time – months or years. The fact that you’ll have to work harder at maintenance than your never-overweight best friend is depressing, but it’s worth coming to terms with. And, most important to remember, your brain (the organ behind all this, after all) is plastic, and it will respond to the changes you make – better than you think. And so will your body.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2013/09/04/the-6-weight-loss-tips-that-science-actually-knows-work/

The Exercise Secrets Trainers Won't Tell You

YOU might be under the impression that losing weight requires you to spend hours slogging away in the gym. But according to scientists, just one extra minute of brisk activity every day can help burn off unwanted kilograms.

Researchers monitored the activity of 4,500 adults, and discovered that how often you exercise your heart and lungs matters more than the duration of the workout. They found that several short bursts of exertion had the same effect as longer, but less frequent spells of exercise. Those short bursts could include taking the stairs instead of the lift, parking further away from the shops and walking, or getting off the bus one stop early.

Lead researcher Dr Jessie Fan, from the University of Utah, said: "What we learned is that for preventing weight gain, the intensity of the activity matters more than duration. "Knowing that even short bouts of brisk activity can add up to a positive effect is really an encouraging message for promoting better health."

In the study, volunteers wore accelerometers - devices which can accurately measure movement and activity.

Participants also had their body mass index (BMI) recorded. This measures weight in relation to height. Researchers found that, for women, every minute spent in higher-intensity short bouts of activity each day was associated with a BMI reduction of 0.07. The results showed that one minute of brisk activity each day offset the calorie equivalent of 0.41pounds in weight.

The scientists explained that this means if a 5ft 5in woman regularly took the stairs at work, she would weight nearly half a pound less than a woman of the same height who took the lift. The results were similar for men, with each daily minute of higher-intensity activity lowering the likelihood of being obese by 2 per cent for men and 5 per cent for women.

But the study found that, on average, the women who were having their movements monitored were less physically active than the men.

The report, which was published in the American Journal of Health Promotion, said: "Taking the stairs, walking to the store or between errands are choices that can add up and can end up making a positive health difference.

"The message is: a little more effort can have an important health payback."

In a separate study published last year, an academic at Aberdeen University suggested that short, sharp bursts of exercise were better at warding off heart disease than longer, less strenuous sessions.

That's because they helped speed up the rate at which fat left the blood. Fat lingering in the blood is known to trigger the first in a series of steps that can lead to clogging of the arteries and heart disease.

The study found that walking cut fat levels by 11 per cent, compared with not doing any exercise. But short bursts of sprints on a bike cut it by 33 per cent - the sort of effect expected from a 90-minute run.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/health-fitness/the-exercise-secret-trainers-won8217t-tell-you/story-fni0dgzm-1226708972620

September Is The Best Month To Kickstart Weight Loss Success, Says Leading Nutritionist

IF LOSING weight was at the top of your wish list for 2013, it's time to get cracking. September leaves us three months until Christmas and a great incentive to really focus on getting rid of extra kilos we're carrying before the end of the year.

"If you stick to a sensible eating plan now you can aim to lose half a kilo every week, which adds up to 10 kilograms by the end of the year," said Susie Burrell, a leading nutritionist.

According to the most recent study taken by the Australian Institute of Health, cardiovascular disease remains the biggest killer of Australians. Being overweight, having high blood cholesterol and diets loaded with saturated fat are among the most common root causes.

Depressing? The good news is the most effective changes are the small, everyday tweaks you can make to your diet and exercise program.

Here are Ms Burrell's top tips for making the most of the next four months.

1. Eat much less at night
An easy way to do this is eat more at lunchtime and then have a soup or salad for dinner. Try and stop the habit of getting home from work, stuffing your face with a heavy dinner and a dessert.

2. Be honest about your worst diet habit. Then change it.
Do you drink too much at night? Do you eat chocolate after every meal? Do you avoid exercise? Do you drink too much coffee? Just a couple of weeks making this change will help you drop a kilo or two.

3. Limit alcohol to just one or two times a week
This one is a no-brainer. Alcohol is basically a glassful of empty calories and drinking too much can easily lead to overeating. So cut things off at the pass and minimise your drinking.

4. Focus on vegetables or salad to reduce calories from carbs and proteins
Drink a vegetable juice in the morning, eat soup before each main meal and snack on vegetables. They're high in fibre and nutrients and low on calories.

5.Track your calories There are so many Apps around for your phone and you can also put something on your work computer. Even the act of writing a food journal can keep you accountable.

6. Limit eating out to one to two times a week
We eat at least 400-500 extra calories when we eat out so limiting the number of times we do it automatically supports weight loss quickly and efficiently.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/september-is-the-best-month-to-kickstart-weight-loss-success-says-leading-nutritionist/story-fni0d7e5-1226710220234

Physical Techniques: Deep Breathing, Progressive Muscular Relaxation & The Relaxation Response

Introduction:
This tool introduces three useful physical relaxation techniques that can help you reduce muscle tension and manage the effects of the fight-or-flight response on your body. This is particularly important if you need to think clearly and perform precisely when you are under pressure.

Deep Breathing:
Deep breathing is a simple but very effective method of relaxation. It is a core component of everything from the "take ten deep breaths" approach to calming someone down, right through to yoga relaxation and meditation. It works well in conjunction with other relaxation techniques such as Progressive Muscular Relaxation, relaxation imagery and meditation to reduce stress.
To use the technique, take a number of deep breaths and relax your body further with each breath. That's all there is to it!


Progressive Muscular Relaxation (PMR):
Progressive Muscular Relaxation is useful for relaxing your body when your muscles are tense. The idea behind PMR is that you tense up a group of muscles so that they are as tightly contracted as possible. Hold them in a state of extreme tension for a few seconds. Then, relax the muscles to their previous state. Finally, consciously relax the muscles even further so that you are as relaxed as possible.
By tensing your muscles first, you will probably find that you are able to relax your muscles more than would be the case if you tried to relax your muscles directly.

Experiment with PMR by forming a fist, and clenching your hand as tight as you can for a few seconds. Then relax your hand to its previous tension, and then consciously relax it again so that it is as loose as possible. You should feel deep relaxation in your hand muscles.

For maximum relaxation you can use PMR in conjunction with breathing techniques and imagery.


The “Relaxation Response”:
We mentioned “The Relaxation Response” in our article on Meditation. In a series of experiments into various popular meditation techniques, Dr. Benson established that these techniques had a very real effect on reducing stress and controlling the fight-or-flight response. Direct effects included deep relaxation, slowed heartbeat and breathing, reduced oxygen consumption and increased skin resistance.

This is something that you can do for yourself by following these steps:

• Sit quietly and comfortably.
• Close your eyes.
• Start by relaxing the muscles of your feet and work up your body relaxing muscles.
• Focus your attention on your breathing.
• Breathe in deeply and then let your breath out. Count your breaths, and say the number of the breath as you let it out (this gives you something to do with your mind, helping you to avoid distraction).
• Do this for ten or twenty minutes.

An even more potent alternative approach is to follow these steps, but to use relaxation imagery instead of counting breaths in step 5.
Summary:
“Deep Breathing,” “Progressive Muscular Relaxation,” and the steps leading to the “Relaxation Response” are three good techniques that can help you to relax your body and manage the symptoms of the fight-or-flight response.

These are particularly helpful for handling nerves prior to an important performance, and for calming down when you are highly stressed.

http://www.mindtools.com/stress/RelaxationTechniques/PhysicalTechniques.htm

5 Easy Ways to Overcome Negative Thinking

Negative thoughts often sneak up when people are stressed, anxious, or depressed. And once they take root, they can impede more helpful, critical, and logical thinking.

Here are 5 simple and easy ways to manage negative thoughts when they appear.

1. Help your body relax: breathe deeply 5 times; take a drink of water; loosen up your arms and legs, roll your shoulders. If you have the time, you can even do progressive relaxation. Having a body that is relaxed will make your mind less stressed and encourage new problem solving.
2. Think of the ultimate worst case scenario. I do mean worst case. In my example it would be that the car would run out of gas, my phone wouldn’t work to call for help and no one would stop for us, and we’d spend the night in the car. Extremely unlikely. Coming up with the worst case scenario forces your mind to think outside the box.
3. Ask for help from someone you trust. If you lost a job, ask a close friend for help understanding why. If you struggle with your weight, talk with your doctor. Don’t let shame or embarrassment keep you stuck. The more minds that work at solving a problem, the better.
4. Make a plan. It doesn’t have to be super long or incredibly detailed. The purpose is to give you an outline or a map of what to do next. My plan was to find all the cash I could, to estimate how far my car would go on the gas I had, talk to my husband for his thoughts on the situation, drive slowly to conserve fuel, and to look for a store that would take checks and allow me to get cash back.
5. Replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Don’t just think them, though. Write them out and put them where you will see them: on your bathroom mirror, your steering wheel, as a screensaver on your computer.

Negative thoughts can bog people down and prevent them from problem solving. The more you can rid yourself of them, the freer your mind will be to problem solve rather than perseverate.

In the end, I was able to clearly think through a plan to deal with the problem. I made it home with the empty gas light on, but I made it home. And I wasn’t bitter or angry or stressed. Well, maybe a touch stressed…

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/your-life/2013/09/5-easy-ways-to-overcome-negative-thinking/

Your Face Tells The Story When You’ve Had a Bad Night’s Sleep

Humans can detect facial emotions well and use this skill to judge trustworthiness, aggressiveness and competence. New research shows that sleep deprivation affects facial features such as the eyes, mouth and skin, and these features function as cues of sleep loss to other people.

Researchers discovered that the faces of sleep-deprived individuals were perceived as having more hanging eyelids, redder eyes, more swollen eyes and darker circles under the eyes. Sleep deprivation also was associated with paler skin, more wrinkles or fine lines, and more droopy corners of the mouth.

People also looked sadder when sleep-deprived than after normal sleep, and sadness was related to looking fatigued.

“Since faces contain a lot of information on which humans base their interactions with each other, how fatigued a person appears may affect how others behave toward them,” said Tina Sundelin, the lead author and a doctoral student in the department of psychology at Stockholm University.

“This is relevant not only for private social interactions, but also official ones such as with health care professionals and in public safety.” The study, which appears in the journal Sleep, was conducted at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden.

Researchers photographed 10 subjects on two separate occasions: after eight hours of normal sleep and after 31 hours of sleep deprivation. The photographs were taken in the laboratory at 2:30 p.m. on both occasions. Forty participants rated the 20 facial photographs with respect to 10 facial cues, fatigue and sadness.

According to the authors, face perception involves a specialized neuronal network and is one of the most developed visual perceptual skills in humans. 

http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/09/03/your-face-tells-the-story-when-youve-had-a-bad-nights-sleep/59143.html

How To Refresh Your Relationship Today

Relationships — like everything we do in life — don’t really operate as well as we think they do on auto-pilot. While everything may seem fine on the surface, dig a little deeper and you’ll find two people who are unhappy, but just don’t know how to broach the subject.

Let’s face it, sometimes our romantic relationships can just become stagnant.

It’s time to reignite the flame and restore the passion that you and your partner deserve.

How do you do it? Click through to find out!

1. Be social. Look for healthy couples to hang out with. Summer is almost over, but there’s still time for barbecues, pool parties, camping, picnics in the park, and going to the beach. Socializing with other couples will bring about new adventures to add to your list.
2. Make your partner feel special. Let him or her know that your relationship is at the top of your priority list. Brainstorm different ways that you can show them daily.
3. Learn to be an effective communicator. Being a good communicator means being a good listener. Most couples listen with the intent to reply. Instead, listen with the intent to understand.
4. Play nice. It’s not always going to be fun and games. There will be times that you and your partner don’t get along. Watch your tone. No name-calling, no degrading, and no blaming. Before you speak, ask yourself, “is this helping or hurting the relationship?” If you slip up, don’t forget to apologize.
5. Volunteering at a church, soup kitchen, women’s shelter, animal shelter, Red Cross, or nursing home is a great way to give back to the community and will leave you and your partner with a sense of accomplishment.
6. Break up the routine from time to time to make things more exciting.
7. Learn to accept your partner for the things that you like and don’t like. Respect each other’s differences. Allow your partner to be themselves. If we mold our partner to be what we wish they were, then we only love the reflection of ourselves.
8. Everyone needs alone time. Take a personal day and enjoy being with yourself. Go for a walk, have a spa day, hit some balls on the golf course, or whatever else you find relaxing.
9. Surprise your partner. Try a card to let your partner know how much you appreciate him or her, a smiley face balloon to brighten a tough day at work, a bouquet of seasonal flowers, or a gourmet box of chocolates to share while watching a romantic movie. Surprises can also come in other forms. Straightening up the garage or cleaning up the kitchen can be a great gift.
10. Intimacy not only means physical affection, it also means emotional affection. Take time to talk to your partner about your emotional and physical needs. Discuss how you can improve in these areas and follow through.
11. Equally divide chores. Evenly distributed chores could equal more intimacy.
12. Experience something new. Maybe redo a room together or learn how to make sushi this Friday night. Check out the website Pinterest for ideas that might interest both of you.
13. Schedule some uninterrupted time for the two of you on the family calendar.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/05/how-to-refresh-your-relationship-today/

Becoming A Better Listener…To Yourself

There are many articles on how we can become better listeners to others. (I’m actually writing a short piece on this very topic.)

But I think it’s just as important to focus on listening to ourselves,actively listening to ourselves.

Just like we might not fully listen to someone else, we might not fully listen to ourselves, either. Which can chip away at our well-being, self-care and satisfaction.

Listening to ourselves helps us make decisions that are truly right for us. It helps us cultivate habits that are genuinely nourishing.

It helps us set emotional and physical boundaries, boundaries that are respectful and honor ourselves. It helps us respond to our needs and take better and kinder care of ourselves.

Here are six ideas for listening to yourself.

1. Practice a body scan. A body scan is a valuable and simple way to reconnect to your body. It helps you focus your attention on your body, pinpointing any tension and then releasing it. Here are several guided body scans to try. 
2. Set an alarm. Set an alarm on your phone to go off every hour. Ask yourself how you’re feeling. Are you tense? Are you tired? Are you hungry? Are you anxious or angry or hurt? Are you stressed? Are you distracted? Identify what you’re feeling or experiencing. Then ask yourself: What do I need right now?
3. Be present. It’s hard to listen to someone when your mind happens to be somewhere else. The same goes for listening to yourself. Be in the moment. Avoid ruminating about the past or trying to forecast the future. Avoid multitasking. Focus on the here and now. Use your five senses to absorb the moment. Give yourself your full attention.
4. Write it down. Jot down your concerns, thoughts and feelings. Simply start with: “What I want to tell myself is…” It might feel funny to have a conversation with yourself. But it’s also helpful to tune into your ruminations and emotions. Remind yourself that you’re listening. You are open. You’re ready to hear what’s really going on.
5. Keep digging. Truly listening to someone means not making assumptions. So one way to turn that around when thinking about yourself is to keep asking, “Why?” Don’t assume something at face value, even about yourself. Dig deeper. You might learn that the reason you think you’re upset isn’t the real reason after all. Which not only helps you better understand yourself, but also helps you move forward and take the right steps for you. So consider: Why am I feeling this way? Why am I behaving this way? Why do I want this? Keep asking “Why?” Keep digging deeper, and you just might make an important discovery.
6. Empathize. Putting yourself in another person’s shoes helps you better understand where they’re coming from. And doing so makes you a great listener. Practice showing that empathy to yourself. This probably sounds like a silly suggestion since you’re experiencing whatever it is firsthand. Of course, you fully understand the pain or pleasure. But often we don’t empathize with ourselves. Often we bash ourselves for feeling certain feelings, for not getting over a situation, for being too “weak.” We don’t give ourselves permission to feel our feelings. We don’t give ourselves permission to comprehend what’s going on. Have compassion for yourself. Have compassion for what you’re feeling and experiencing. 

How do you listen to yourself? What helps you really hear yourself?

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2013/09/becoming-a-better-listener-to-yourself/

5 Ways To Become A Better Thinker

We're seduced into believing that brilliant thinkers are born that way. We think they magically produce brilliant ideas. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Do you want to come up with more imaginative ideas? Do you stumble with complicated problems? Do you want to find new ways to confront challenges?

Of course you do. So do I.

But when is the last time you thought about how you think?

Do you have a process for making decisions? Are you using mental models and connecting big ideas from multiple disciplines? Are you taking steps to reduce cognitive biases? Have you defined the problem and do you know what success looks like?

Just as with any skill, some of us are better at thinking than others. Why?

We're seduced into believing that brilliant thinkers are born that way. We think they magically produce brilliant ideas.

Nothing could be further from the truth. While there are likely genetic exceptions, the vast majority of the people we consider brilliant use their minds differently.

Often, these geniuses practice learnable habits of thinking that allow them to see the world differently. By doing so, they avoid much of the folly that so often ensnares others. Eliminating stupidity is easier than seeking brilliance.

"It is remarkable how much long-term advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent." — Charlie Munger

I came across The 5 Elements of Effective Thinking, authored by Dr. Edward B. Burger and Dr. Michael Starbird, which presents some practical ways for us to improve our thinking.


They make a pretty bold claim in the introduction.

You can personally choose to become more successful by adopting five learnable habits, which, in this book, we not only explain in detail but also make concrete and practical.

1.Understand deeply
Don't face complex issues head-on; first understand simple ideas deeply. Clear the clutter and expose what is really important. Be brutally honest about what you know and don't know. Then see what's missing, identify the gaps, and fill them in. Let go of bias, prejudice, and preconceived notions. There are degrees to understanding (it's not just a yes-or-no proposition) and you can always heighten yours. Rock-solid understanding is the foundation for success.


2.Make mistakes
Fail to succeed. Intentionally get it wrong to inevitably get it even more right. Mistakes are great teachers — they highlight unforeseen opportunities and holes in your understanding. They also show you which way to turn next, and they ignite your imagination.


3.Raise questions
Constantly create questions to clarify and extend your understanding. What's the real question? Working on the wrong questions can waste a lifetime. Ideas are in the air — the right questions will bring them out and help you see connections that otherwise would have been invisible. 

4.Follow the flow of ideas
Look back to see where ideas came from and then look ahead to discover where those ideas may lead. A new idea is a beginning, not an end. Ideas are rare — milk them. Following the consequences of small ideas can result in big payoffs.

These are the four basic building blocks for effective thinking. The fifth is change.


5.Change
The unchanging element is change — by mastering the first four elements, you can change the way you think and learn. You can always improve, grow, and extract more out of your education, yourself, and the way you live your life. Change is the universal constant that allows you to get the most out of living and learning. 

If you're stuck, need a new idea, or just want to improve your thinking, The 5 Elements of Effective Thinking will help you on your way.

http://theweek.com/article/index/248412/5-ways-to-become-a-better-thinker

Diet vs. Exercise: Which Is Better?

Diet or exercise...which one is more important is an age-old debate that just keeps going on and on and on.



If you're trying to get healthy, tackling both diet and exercise is better than trying to improve one lifestyle habit at a time, new research suggests. 

But...the researchers did add that if you need to start with just one lifestyle change, choose exercise. They found that changing your diet first may interfere with attempts to establish a regular exercise routine.

The study included 200 people, aged 45 and older, who were inactive and had poor diets. They were split into four groups: new diet and exercise habits at the same time; diet changes first and starting exercise a few months later; starting exercise first and making diet changes a few months later; and no diet or exercise changes.

The groups received telephone coaching and were tracked for a year. Those who made diet and exercise changes at the same time were most likely to meet U.S. guidelines for exercise (150 minutes per week) and nutrition (5 to 9 servings of fruit and vegetables per day), and to keep calories from saturated fat at less than 10 percent of their total intake of calories.

The people who started with exercise first and diet changes a few months later also did a good job of meeting both the exercise and diet goals, but not quite as good as those who made exercise and diet changes at the same time, the Stanford University School of Medicine researchers said in a news release from Stanford.

The participants who made diet changes first and started exercise later did a good job of meeting the dietary goals but didn't meet their exercise targets. This may be because each type of change has unique characteristics, explained study author Abby King, a professor of health research and policy and of medicine.

"With dietary habits, you have no choice; you have to eat. You don't have to find extra time to eat because it's already in your schedule. So the focus is more on substituting the right kinds of food to eat," she said in the news release.

However, people with busy schedules may have difficulty finding time for exercise. King noted that even the people in the most successful group (diet and exercise changes at the same time) initially had trouble meeting their exercise goal, but did achieve it by the end of the study.

The study was published online April 21 in the journal Annals of Behavioral Medicine.

http://www.chicagodefender.com/index.php/health/23719-diet-exercise-better

3 Keys to a Happy Relationship, According to Researchers

A new study claims it has found the three keys to a happy romantic relationship. And much to my surprise, none of my guesses–expressing your feelings solely through interpretive dance and icy, silent glares; taking off your bra to distract during an argument; and settling major relationships issues with a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors–made the list.

So what are the key factors linked to happy couplehood? The study tested 2,201 participants referred by couples counselors on seven “relationship competencies” believed to be important in promoting happiness in romantic relationships. The researchers tested for communication, conflict resolution, sex, stress management, life skills, knowledge of one’s partner, and self-management. Of the seven, only three had strong links to relationship happiness:

1. Communication
This is the big one—and probably the least surprising one to anyone particularly good or bad at communicating with their partner. Expressing your needs and feelings to your partner in a positive way was key to the happiness of the relationship.


2. Knowledge of Your Partner
Do you know your partner’s dark secrets? Their hopes and dreams? Their favorite book, guilty pleasure TV show, least favorite pizza topping? Though the importance of communication speaks to emotional needs within a relationship, this one is more practical…but just as important. Robert Epstein, the study’s lead author, points out that strengthening this aspect of the relationship can be relatively easy—as easy as remembering your anniversary, your partner’s birthday, and the names of the friends and relatives. The big stuff is also important—critical subjects like whether you and your partner want children is must-know information.

3. Life Skills
Losing out on promotions because you’re always late? Forget to pay the cable bill on time… every month? Struggle to add money to your savings account to prepare for the future? Those things can erode your relationship even if it’s healthy in other ways. “Communication skills are necessary,” Lisa Neff, a couples researcher at the University of Texas at Austin told Time, “but they’re not sufficient when couples are under stress.”

Do you agree with the three key factors to relationship happiness that this study found? What are the key factors that keep your own relationship happy?

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/the-3-keys-to-a-happy-relationship.html

Why Bragging Is Not A Bad Thing

I used to think bragging was bad. That it was arrogant and was evidence of an overly-developed ego.

That idea was reinforced growing up. The message I got was that it was better to appear humble and not make a big deal of your achievements. The underlying Greek superstition was that if you talked too much about something good, you were going to give it the evil eye and everything would go to hell in a hand basket.

I've always been such a good student that I carried what I learned through most of my adult life. What that meant in my career was that as good as I was externally promoting my value, I wasn't as good internally in the companies I worked for. In my naïveté, I believed what had been ingrained inside of me from childhood: that I didn't have to. My value would be recognized. I would be rewarded without having to point out why. Plus, I was a woman. Bragging was something men did. Nice girls don't brag.

I can almost LOL reading that line back to myself.

My opinion about bragging changed 10 years ago when I met Regena Thomashauer. Bragging, in her book, is a celebration of who you are and what you create. It's owning those milestones, big and small, and allowing yourself to physically feel the full effect of what you've accomplished.

The Internet is full of so many people touting and promoting themselves that its easy to see why bragging is still seen as a bad thing to so many.

But when you brag from a place of truth and not made-up hype and gobbledygook jargon, it lands differently.

You get to feel your worth.

You're reminded that you actually have accomplished an awful lot -- even though you were not taking the time to notice.

You get ready for more.

It's not easy to do in the beginning, but like so many exercises, the more you practice, the better you get.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joanne-tombrakos/why-bragging-is-not-a-bad-thing_b_3784732.html

The Only Career Question You'll Ever Need To Ask

In our work lives, we are constantly asking questions, evaluating our options, and making decisions. This swirl of considerations can be overwhelming at times, and with so many questions to ask it can be hard to know which is more important. The most important career question you’ll ever ask is only three letters long, but packs one heck of a punch. The question is…why? It’s such an important question; I recommend you ask it five times over any time you’re making any major decision at work or in life.

I learned the “5 Whys” tool from Martha Beck, a coaching mentor of mine. Here’s how it works. You identify a stressful thought or an action related to your career or business (e.g., I should quit my job), and then you drill down the rationale behind that thought by asking why five times, going deeper each time.

I use this exercise to help my clients get a better understanding of their thought processes – to determine whether the thought is true, or is simply misguided. You start with a thought or inclination, and with each why you drill down closer to the motivating assumption.

Let’s try:

I should apply for a promotion. 

Why? Because other people are going to apply. Why does that matter? Because I don’t want someone else to get it over me. Why? Because I don’t want to be in a lower position. Why? I don’t want to have no power. Why? I’m afraid I’ll be taken advantage of.


Aha! You’ve uncovered some valuable information. This appears to be a fear-based decision.

It could also go like this:

I should apply for a promotion. 

Why? It’s the perfect job for me! Why? I’d love that job. Why? I’m good at all of those things. Why? I have experience with those activities. Why? I’ve volunteered for those types of projects before.

You can see that the motivating thoughts in these two examples are quite different. Let’s try another common one:

My business needs more social media presence. 

Why? Everyone else is on Twitter. Why does that matter? A business needs to be on Twitter to be successful. Why? Because that’s where the customers are. Why? Because they’re interacting with other people. Why? Because it’s fun and social.

You get the gist. In this example, the person’s thinking might be correct or misguided, depending on the type of business, target market, and marketing strategy. If you operate a dry cleaning business, for example, something like Twitter may be far less relevant than for someone whose services – say, outdoor adventure travel – translate well to social engagement. The point is to dig down to where the seed of your thought is planted and evaluate it.

Note that in both of the above examples, the word should or need is present. Pay close attention to any business or career decision that is driven by a forced or constraining undertone. In the coaching community, we call these types of thoughts “shackles on” – thoughts that feel restrictive and binding. Are you simply trying to keep up with the Jones’, or are you making a well-thought-out decision for your business? The former suggests a panicked and potentially irrational decision, while the latter is more likely to be a good choice.

Doing anything that feels “shackles on,” without being in line with your company’s strategy and values, is a shouldy way of thinking (say it out loud). Steer clear of this type of decision-making. Asking why five times over is especially helpful for sorting out anxiety-inducing thoughts, and it works just as well for personal decisions as it does for professional ones. Try this exercise when you’re struggling with any decision that stresses you out. Better yet, have a colleague or friend take you through it so you can answer aloud. You’ll be able to peg your rationale as either wise or misguided the moment it leaves your lips.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/85broads/2013/08/19/the-only-career-question-youll-ever-need-to-ask/

12 Body Language Tips For Career Success

When properly used, body language can be your key to greater success. It can help you develop positive business relationships, influence and motivate the people who report to you, improve productivity, bond with members of your team, and present your ideas with more impact. Here are a dozen tips for using body language to project confidence, credibility, and your personal brand of charisma:

1. Stand tall and take up space. 

Power, status, and confidence are nonverbally displayed through the use of height and space. Keeping your posture erect, your shoulders back, and your head held high makes you look sure of yourself.


2. Widen your stance. 

When you stand with your feet close together, you can seem hesitant or unsure of what you are saying. But when you widen your stance, relax your knees and center your weight in your lower body, you look more “solid” and confident.


3. Lower your vocal pitch. 

In the workplace, the quality of your voice can be a deciding factor in how you are perceived. Speakers with higher-pitched voices are judged to be less empathic, less powerful and more nervous than speakers with lower pitched voices. One easy technique I learned from a speech therapist was to put your lips together and say “Um hum, um hum, um hum.” Doing so relaxes your voice into its optimal pitch. This is especially helpful before you get on an important phone call – where the sound of your voice is so critical.


4. Try Power Priming. 

To display confidence and be perceived as upbeat and positive, think of a past success that fills you with pride and confidence.


5. Strike a Power Pose. 

6. Maintain positive eye contact.

You may be an introvert, you may be shy, or your cultural background may have taught you that extended eye contact with a superior is not appropriate, but businesspeople from the U.S., Europe, Australia (and many other parts of the world), will expect you to maintain eye contact 50-60% of the time. Here’s a simple technique to improve eye contact: Whenever you greet a business colleague, look into his or her eyes long enough to notice what color they are.

7. Talk with your hands. 

Brain imaging has shown that a region called Broca’s area, which is important for speech production, is active not only when we’re talking, but also when we wave our hands. Since gesture is integrally linked to speech, gesturing as you talk can actually power up your thinking. Whenever I encourage clients to incorporate gestures into their deliveries, I find that their verbal content improves, their speech is less hesitant, and their use of fillers (“ums” and “uhs”) decreases. Experiment with this and you’ll find that the physical act of gesturing helps you form clearer thoughts and speak in tighter sentences with more declarative language.


8. Use open gestures. 

Keeping your movements relaxed, using open arm gestures, and showing the palms of your hands — the ultimate “see, I have nothing to hide” gesture — are silent signals of credibility and candor. Individuals with open gestures are perceived more positively and are more persuasive than those with closed gestures (arms crossed, hands hidden or held close to the body, etc.) Also, if you hold your arms at waist level, and gesture within that plane, most audiences will perceive you as assured and credible.


9. Try a steeple. 

You see lecturers, politicians and executives use this hand gesture when they are quite certain about a point they are making. This power signal is where your hands make a “steeple” — where the tips of your fingers touch, but the palms are separated. When you want to project conviction and sincerity about a point you’re making, try steepling.


10. Reduce nervous gestures. 

When we’re nervous or stressed, we all pacify with some form of self-touching, nonverbal behavior: We rub our hands together, bounce our feet, drum our fingers on the desk, play with our jewelry, twirl our hair, fidget — and when we do any of these things, we immediately rob our statements of credibility. If you catch yourself indulging in any of these behaviors, take a deep breath and steady yourself by placing your feet firmly on the floor and your hands palm down in your lap, on the desk or on the conference table. Stillness sends a message that you’re calm and confident.


11. Smile. 

Smiles have a powerful effect on us. The human brain prefers happy faces, and we can spot a smile at 300 feet – the length of a football field. Smiling not only stimulates your own sense of well being it also tells those around you that you are approachable and trustworthy.


12. Perfect your handshake. 

Since touch is the most powerful and primitive nonverbal cue, it’s worth devoting time to cultivating a great handshake. The right handshake can give you instant credibility and the wrong one can cost you the job or the contract. So, no “dead fish” or “bone-crusher” grips, please. The first makes you appear to be a wimp and the second signals that you are a bully.

Handshake behavior has cultural variations, but the ideal handshake in North America means facing the other person squarely, making firm palm to palm contact with the web of your hand (the skin between the thumb and first finger) touching the web of the other person’s hand, and matching hand pressure as closely as possible without compromising your own idea of a proper professional grip.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2013/08/21/12-body-language-tips-for-career-success/